Encounter with Nothing - Part 3
photo credit: h.koppdelaney
Excerpt from the forthcoming book ‘Medicine Child’ by Ray Stewart.
Click here to read part one.
Click here to read part two.
Lujan said that as a nagual I was responsible. In one hour of interaction with Lujan I felt I had come further than I had in years. I felt like a tablecloth pulled out without any of the dishes moving. I had met a real wizard and felt the end of something becoming the beginning of something else; a transition undeniably noticeable yet seamless.
Lujan said that each moment was like this; responding to my unspoken thoughts out loud; that a shaman knew that life was a sequence of events dying and being born and we flowed with this adhering to nothing. I asked him if there was any phase of progression which led to a total absorption and loss of one’s self completely.
After pausing for a moment and seemingly awaiting the surfacing of the appropriate words, he said no; that what we were dealing with was an infinite continuum and that total absorption was impossible as it would be a finite point. It keeps on going, he said, and something felt dislodged in my view hearing this.
He said that he was aware of something in the room with us, which I was not detecting. I asked what it was and he said it was nothing. I began to feel this presence but lost it as I tried to intentionally focus and he said, ‘oh you just missed it’.
But it felt alright not knowing. We got up to leave, as we both seemed to recognize there was nothing left to say.
He reminded me as we reached the entrance to the property where the bike was parked that if I did not pursue my path as a nagual I would lose my power; that it came down to this pursuit, which the spirit had indicated. That my path was my power and avoiding my path was avoiding myself. I felt the magnitude of this truth he had spoken.
He then showed me something with his hands that he had received in a dream, which had changed him physically. I felt the intensity of what he was revealing and had an overwhelming feeling of awe and appreciation. I couldn’t believe all this had already happened with two weeks left to go. He drove me home and I felt I left a lot behind there which I no longer needed, with something wonderful waiting ahead.
As we reached the road, Lujan stopped the bike to speak to someone. He was an old Indonesian man and looked worn like he had a challenging life. They said some things I didn’t understand and I waited watching. It was early afternoon but dark beneath the trees. I enjoyed just stopping there and looking around at the shady forested area.
He then introduced me and I shook hands with the man. He felt good and had strong clear eyes. He was small but had an undefeated resiliency that accompanied his kindness, which there is usually in my dealings one way or the other. He held my forearm for a short time after shaking my hand while looking at me. I felt he was very aware and I liked him. He didn’t feel intrusive at all and I could see why Lujan was his friend already.
Lujan said his name and that there was a lot of power surrounding this man and I shook my head agreeing that I felt him. The old man seemed happy and said something and then shook Lujan’s hand again. They exchanged a look and said goodbye. The man smiled grasping my arm and hand again saying goodbye then walked on waving as we left.
Lujan explained the man had been undergoing a lot of scrutiny and social disruption because he was not originally from that part of Indonesia and locals wanted to pressure him to leave his land. He asked if I sensed his power and I said I did; it left me with a good feeling yet empty as if nothing had occurred, without the weight of interaction I usually feel with strangers.
He dropped me off at the stairs of the hotel and said goodbye giving me another handshake and I went to see my friend and wife. I climbed the steps and the impact of what had just happened had really started to set in. I had avoided being so direct with myself for a long time and I felt strong from experiencing the positive reflection of what I encountered from speaking to Lujan face to face.
I felt light, massive, and completely empty and a deep silence seemed to emanate from me. I really felt like I finally had accepted who I was and was able to amputate from my view the imposed concluding limitations I had reflected on and felt limited to being.
