Why do you have fear of me? Lujan Matus asked me just after we sat at our first meeting to learn Dragon’s Tears. At that moment I recognized that the estrange sensation I have been experience was fear. I also felt treated by the direct question and wanted to answer with the truth I said “I suppose I am fear of the unknown”.
Staring directly at my eyes he said that I was afraid of him and I did not thrust him but that during our encounter I needed to put this at the side. I agreed with this. He added that he never ever will hurt me anyhow. This affirmation entered in me and touched some deep fibers of my being. Looking at his eyes, amazed, I really saw the existence of this space of trust, I relaxed and the fear and distrust vanished really quickly.
I was amazed by the fact I had not to fight my fear to go away. Towards the end of this first day I had the opportunity to tell him I trust him and with my words I sealed a pact with my purpose for the reconnection with my inner child and also with this sweet man who has shown me that afternoon the possible existence of confidence.
Another day, after practicing Dragon’s Tears, I realized that my original fear was not just the fear to open my heart and being hurt again but there was something else that didn’t want to be discovered. Lujan ask me what it was in my heart saying that it is normal that people started to cry with the practice of the Tears. I started to talk about a situation with my husband. Explaining it I didn’t want to go to any place of drama, complain or despair even if I wanted to beg for a solution to it. So I used my pure observation, I was putting my best in the conversation to really get where was I stocked in my situation.
Lujan listened to me attentively and then he asked me why I was feeling so sad? I turned to see my sadness and something appeared instead, he asked me about the change saying that the best way to act is always saying exactly how you feel. I was already crying but I decided to see what my sadness was exactly. One thought, or more exactly, information that some days before meeting Lujan had came to me seamed to open my mouth. “I feel shame of myself” I said crying as a kid. He stood up and urged me to hug him “come, don’t shame yourself, please”. I went into his arms letting drop this horrible feeling from my entire body. Then I went to blow my nose and in the bathroom I brought together myself and felt that it wasn’t that hard to announce the shame.
In other day we were discussing some details for a project with Lujan and a friend. It seamed they were very happy and engaged with the project and suddenly Lujan asked me what I was thinking. I jumped on top of the conversation talking about stuff that was just filling the nothing. Trying to pull all my attention to something I was just inventing as I had nothing to say, but lots of feelings to hide.
Lujan observed me and ask me to stop that. I did not know what to stop and he said, very seriously: “stop to try to control me, it hurts me, I don’t feel good when you do that”. I did not understand that my reply was trying to control him but instead to defend myself or to find explanations I stayed the more open as possible. He started to follow my mind in a so accurate way that he started to reveal to my own eyes my strategy to sabotage myself and my stalking.
Looking me directly to my eyes, Lujan asked me why. Why do I want to control him or anybody else? Of course! I knew, that is my shit, my unsolved problem, my blind spot. He continued, why do you fill excluded? That was painful and when I was about to feel shame something stopped me, the episode the day before and Lujan’s energy. I asked why I can not get rid of my shame and he said that I use my shame to control. That was more painful but I knew it was totally true. My eyes were totally full and dropping but I stayed with him, I was seeing the arrow going directly to the real prey.
He added that I have to stop to feel excluded because I am not excluded and I am using it to control others. Lujan said he was showing me how to hunt that shadow just after I saw the arrow crossing a space I haven’t seen before. I saw the forest; I saw the arrow turning to hurt the invisible prey hidden just in front of my eyes. Something really felt. Lujan said that the day before he missed it but that now he had hit the mark. I felt totally amazed, empty, in a state of mind I can not explain, I can just reflect on it as if I was finally free.
All is so simple, use to say Lujan, and it is. All the movement of energy that allows me to be able to see the shadow upon me was the direct effect of Lujan’s energy and knowledge. From the very first time I did Dragon’s Tears I knew that it is the most high technology to use true energy. It is real evolution for humanity, the recovery of ourselves. It is the magic of activating your completeness as energy in a very intuitive, elegant and beautiful way.
I have been practicing Tensegrity for 12 years and my body never was so happy and so fluid as it is practicing Dragon’s Tears. Each detail of the movement is a touch for the energy to flow, and so much energy is activated, so MUCH! It goes simple, you feel it, you follow it, you “don’t do”, you feel, you forget everything else, you forget yourself.
My encounter with the nagual Lujan Matus gave me three new dimensions: letting the stars to take the past, opening my heart to my true journey and training my body as a wonderful awake ship to navigate this world, these three are now me. The dust over the shoulders is taken by the wind and the sun of real magic is bright in all directions. It is time for a deep encounter with magic now. I know it is coming; it is inevitable, the awake-evolution of humans arrived.
All my gratitude, nagual.