This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship Program was submitted by Navi. If you would like to vote for Navi please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
My world stopped when I heard the word “cancer”. All reasons lost their meaning, all lies and excuses and illusions suddenly ceased to exist. I had been befallen by many strange health problems in the past year – all related to skin and lungs – and the final blow was being diagnosed in February with actinic keratosis. Skin cancer. At the age of twenty-three. This didn’t make sense, nothing made sense. I felt completely alone, broken, defeated and hopeless.
I’ll back up a bit and explain.
I’ve always been running from something. Tortured by family members with substance abuse and anger problems, shattered by physical/verbal/sexual abuse, having survived homelessness and food stamps, I was on a dead run. I never stopped to work through issues, never stopped to actually think and assess what’s been happening. I just escaped. I promised myself that I would never let such things happen to me again, and I ignored the dreams I would have. I ignored the omens and stopped listening to the music inside my head and tore myself away from nature. I just said that my life would be different and I believed it.
Well, I’m good at running. I moved across the ocean: new language, new name, new identity. But I kept getting accosted by shadows from the past. No matter how hard I fought, there were forces in this world far stronger than I. Cancer was my wake-up call. It’s not about the concept of “me” or my body or my mind. I’ve faced death more than once and am not afraid to move out of this three-dimensional plane one day. There’s just this feeling of not having finished something, having not completed my assignment in this lifetime. You see, for many years I’ve dreamed of starting a cancer treatment facility that offers both Eastern and Western medicine. I’ve always seen cancer as a call for wholeness of the spirit, a last desperate cry of the body to get the attention of the spirit. And now I know that I cannot heal others before I heal myself.
That’s where Lujan comes in.
I was talking to a friend about life-changing experiences and about the process of “awakening”. After I shared with him some prophetic dreams I’ve had and omens from nature I’ve followed, he related to me his dream about two cats which led him to Lujan’s workshop. He told of me his experiences with Dragon’s Tears and showed me a few of the movements. This was real. This was powerful on so many levels. I was mesmerized, absolutely fascinated. I’ve studied yoga, qi gong, aikido, reiki, and a variety of other energy-moving methods but have never seen something like this before. I read everything I could on the website and blog, and all of it somehow “clicked” with me. Something naturally drew me to Lujan’s wisdom and the secrets of raw shamanism and primal power.
I thirst for this ability as I do for water. I know that what I need to do involves work on different levels of consciousness, different planes of existence. But for me, books are a difficult guide. I get caught up in words and descriptions, I am uncertain of whom to trust. I’m through with studying myriad religions and spiritual practices. I now do the practices that work for me, I am living the truth that sustain me.
I’m ready for change. I crave practices that will free my consciousness of these tricks and patterns of the lower levels. I was obsessed with the Mayans, Incas, ancient Egyptians and Aztecs as a child. I longed to uncover the mysteries they knew and their raw, earthly connections – and I still have that yearning. I don’t want to sound self-absorbed or egoistical in wanting this scholarship, but I know that I cannot help or heal others, I cannot make profound change in this world unless I face my own demons and darkness first.
Thank you, Lujan Matus, for offering this opportunity.
Thank you again for giving someone the chance to participate in a workshop next year. That is VERY generous and kind.
With warm regards,
If you would like to vote for Jade please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
The photo is credited to Jade, a member of Stormclan.