This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship Program was submitted by Paul. If you would like to vote for Paul please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
i am applying for Lujan’s scholarship program with the sense of a not doing. Initially i thought that i have nothing to say and that which i would say seems to have been stripped from me. i cannot know for sure as i am blind for the time being. There is a sense of waiting whilst something unknown is distilled.
i felt that i am not worthy of been in this program, that i must work hard and prove myself first; such as putting more effort into the exercises in Lujan’s books. As i was pondering this i came to a realisation – who am i to judge whether i am worthy or not. Just as i cannot judge another, i can’t judge myself.
Time is passing and as this opportunity slowly slips away i am sensing a block somewhere which will probably be released once the due date has come and gone, by which time i am free from making a commitment.
i began my search just after puberty with metaphysics and the occult and have reached the pinnacle of possibility with Lujan’s books years later. i know that there is always more and steps keep getting bigger. The next step would be in meeting Lujan in body and essence. i don’t know whether such a meeting will be catalytic in causing me to see myself in truth, but i allow myself space to imagine that meeting Lujan will shake my mis-formed foundation enough that i my take the necessary responsibility for my actions. i have dreamed of such an opportunity for many years, but always felt that it would only happen for someone else. To sit here and write this is in fact a statement of intent to take part in life instead of take from life. To remember that which is real.
Because i find it hard to understand Lujan’s books i feel that i will understand with my body when in proximity with Lujan’s. i’m not sure, only that my body or something within feels a deep profound warmth. It knows without question, it feels without expectation and i, who far too often demand, and actively work against feeling too much dream of been at one with It. i feel that meeting and working with Lujan will bring the beginning of unity.
Warmth to all brothers and sisters
Paul aka Small
If you would like to vote for Paul please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
Photo courtesy of H.Koppdelaney