This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship Program was submitted by Pom. If you would like to vote for Pom please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
It is my dream to meet Lujan. I have felt it my destiny for a long time, many years before I conceptualized his existence. I am drawn to him and his ‘world’ like a crawling infant willing themselves forward or baby birds taking the leap of faith for their first flight. The feeling I have and that accompanies these experiences is of following ones instinctual, natural birthright, of experiencing ones full ‘beingness’ in all its intrinsic ‘perfectness’. No further explanations are needed – you live them, you breath them and you know deep down it is what you are meant to do. I believe passion lies at the heart of the warrior’s path. Passion is an expression of our true inner selves, and it is our responsibility to appreciate that wholeheartedly, whereby an unquenchable life filled with passion awaits.
My personal journey with ‘Lujan Matus’ started about five years ago. In the years prior I had become an avid reader of Carlos Castaneda’s writings, which really ignited my spirit due to the affinity I felt for the messages of Don Juan and ‘Nagualism’. Ultimately however, the teachings of Castaneda lead me away from my own personal path of truth, which is where the heart truly lies and always will. Through Don Juan’s surname, I found Lujan Matus. Lujan has so much to offer, in which he gives so liberally, that I can’t but thank the heavens for his existence and everything he encompasses. Indeed he is somebody very close to my heart, and as such I may experience melancholy when being told something from him about myself that I don’t fully understand, or feel is unfair, but deep down I know he is somebody with an enormous amount of love to offer who always has held the most loving intentions for me.
Participating on the forum has taught me of the grace and power of love, and the guidance on this is immensely valuable. The forum members are a true blessing that have touched lives upon lives upon lives. It is my day-by-day, moment-by-moment greatest intent and challenge to live with and emanate as much love as possible. For me there is no task of greater value to pursue for the human species.
For many years I lived in a place where little light shone, but instead resided dark emotions and patterns of self-destructive behaviour. During many nights I felt as though I was dropping free-fall down a forever ending well. My battle was with something intangible, untouchable, yet how I felt and the inability to move forward in my life were both very tangible. Throughout all this I always held the firm belief that a visit to the Nagual would bring a full resolution to my situation or else I’d sure damn well know what it was that I needed to do otherwise. However, financial restraints prevented me from visiting.
The reason I write the previous paragraph in the past tense is because very recently I feel I made an almighty breakthrough in expelling my dark, debilitating emotions I held within which prevented me from experiencing my calm, peaceful, natural inner state. This healing journey began last June where I participated in a sacred plant ceremony. I returned several times after, with the greatest benefit arising from my fourth ceremony in which I purged many deep, negative emotions from the depths of my gut.
Although feeling a lot lighter and more myself during the weeks following, I knew there was still something inside of me which didn’t belong and gave rise to a negative emotional state which covered my true self. I also held a subtle feeling of needing to be sick again. One night I again fell into a desperate, depressive state, with an uncontrollable sensation of twisting and twirling head-first down a tunnel, whilst realizing that despite everything I had been through and achieved in the ceremonies, similar patterns of life events and depressive emotions were reoccurring as before. I truly felt my only solution was to see Lujan.
Ten days ago I returned for a fifth ceremony. The night was endured like many previous by holding my aching stomach as the medicine worked its magic through my gut. Through purging, the repugnant emotions I had held deep inside for so long were ridden. I now feel in a much better place than I’ve been in for all my adult life. Although I now don’t feel I need to see Lujan in order to be ‘healed’, I know visiting him would be a meeting of immense power, and my healing would continue. Learning ‘Energy Tapping’ would further my self-empowerment in incalculable, phantasmagorical, and incredibly joyful ways. I believe it is to be my destiny one day, and I believe in myself.
With deepest love and respect,
If you would like to vote for Pom please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.