This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship Program was submitted by Concha Catharina. If you would like to vote for Concha please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
Now i am 55 years old.
When i was 5 years old i thought that to many impressions from my surrounding
came into myself, covering inside of my head „my own truth“and therefore I would
rather like to be blind.
Blindness -so i hoped as a child- could prevent that, what was still growing up to come out of myself -would not be covered more and more til i lost it.
This worrying part of myself grew up with me and i still worry „if „and „how“ what i call the energetic part of myself can become more alive.
Luckily this thought didn’t turn into reality and i didn’t get blind but the experience of being over- whelmed by the world i observed as a child let me create three other wishes to get more powerful: i wanted to be able to hide whenever possible, wanted to become clairvoyance and to own a flying carpet !
Til now my life is full of change and movement and i am happy to say , that by getting in touch with inner growth my life is never boring but neither easy.
Still it is yet rare or seldom , that i felt completely being alive.
I wonder how i could stop my interfering and getting caught by uncontrolled emotional reactions.
When i was 36 years old a nasty emotional reaction during a weekend workshop turned me into a furious state of excitement and after that to go to my mother and ask her about my birth became a very urgent question for me.
It was end of may 1992 when i planned to take the car to visit her the next day.
Waking up in the morning i remembered my dream of having an accident.
I considered if i should even stop everything and not go, but than i decided to go and my daughter of 9 years wanted to join.
So we started and in the last bit of the trip my daughter in the back of the car went to sleep. Renewing the picture of my dream-accident and remembering myself to be alert and to take care i went on driving.
Nevertheless shortly after this my car was about to crash against a tree and i caught me up thinking: “Please stop interfering til it is over and than act when you feel the right moment for you to help that it ends up in a fortunate way”
While the front of our car crashed against the trunk of the tree, the classes smashed and it turned over crashing now also backwards onto another tree, i did do nothing .
While i was turning round in the space of the car ,i „somehow“ let completely go my control and fear patterns, enjoying the energetic harmony of every single bit of movement sensations, of sound, smell, taste and sight while my only thought was with incredible sharpness and sobriety:
“You never lived your life before! This is about really getting alive.
The next moment we landed and the motor tuned up to not a good noise and it was now my turn to handle the keys to turn it off.
The silence of nature appeared , presenting me the sound of water from the nearby river, the smell of earth from underneath , the light behind the broken glasses an the breathing of my daughter waking up at that moment. Everything was peaceful very clear and simple.
Except my worrying part, which came back to me immediately. How could this happen? How could we now go on from here?
We got to get out of it and we had to go through the procedures one step after the other. finally i could even put the question about my birth to my mother.
The last 20 years til now i am more aware of the present of being alive.
I admit that still my Inability to meet the impulse of interfering makes me missing life’s divine
quality, which touched me within these few moments of my accident with its closeness and clarity.
Now a few month ago i found by chance this wonderful website Parallel Perception. It attracted my conscious part with its quality of luminous brightness.
I was connected to joy and gratitude and this taste and print from where life is touching me.
I didn’t read yet any books. Isn’t that curious?
I want to apply for the Parallel Perception Scholarship program.
Hoping that the bridge to cross the the subtle disturbing and worrying parts of myself will be provided soon.
If you would like to vote for Concha please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
Photo courtesy of Entrer dans le reve.