Without Heart, Who or What Should Guide You?

This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship Program was submitted by Robert Andrew Wilkie. If you would like to vote for Robert please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

Without Heart, Who or What Should Guide You?

Who Would? What Could? Without Heart…

(Reflections on Don Juan and a desire to study Shamanic Movement with Lujan Matus)

It was a friend of mine who, back in 2007, handed me a blue covered paperback book and said, “you’ll need this.” The book was titled The Art of Stalking Parallel Perception and immediately I felt connected to the work inside its covers. Exploring the book, for me, was a continuation of a transforming and revealing few years that was catalyzed by the contact of my reality with the words and teachings of Don Juan Matus in the Casteneda series.

Don Juan Matus cracked my skull open. This started in 2003 with Casteneda’s The Teachings of Don Juan; I was 22. The repetition, the cackling laughter, the oceanic heart, the giving of direct experience, the revealing of, very literally, “how petty you are”, were gifts to me that make me weep in gratitude. Don Juan’s insistence on ’emphasis’ and ‘repetition’, on ‘shattering the mirror of self reflection’, of ‘stopping the world’, of the immediacy of expanse, of using ‘death as advisor’, of vital energy and the body, the mind, of ‘collective agreements’, of HABIT, of the condition of today’s human – as Gurdjieff said – “The Terror of the Situation”, these insistences and lessons and transmissions have changed me whether I like it or not. They have induced transformations in my being that are for me both irrevocable and inspiring. Too many times I have not liked what I have seen – I have been left in shock – mostly because of how caught up I have been in reflections and immersions in failing, regret, remorse, habit, and desire for something other than what I am or what is here – sufferings of self-indulgence and a lack of light and the agreement to the continuation of this condition.

The writings of Casteneda performed a function for me approximated by this – the entering into awareness of the habitual nature of my life and relations, inner and outer, with everything that exists in my world – in other words: the realization of the current state of my being. What to do next was always going to be a problem for me, and has proven so over and over, but for this I say, and with deep gratitude to Don Juan Matus, that I will “walk a path that has heart.”

The Art of Stalking Parallel Perception took me to ‘the how’ that I couldn’t find with Casteneda. I explored it slowly, irregularly, carefully, and also forgetfully, not reading it at all and just staring at the glyphs and contemplating my then current condition – one that may best be described as ‘a caged bird, wild and heavily domesticated, depressed, requiring help.’ Here was a book that begins the realtime application of core aspects of the teachings of Don Juan, and sheds light on his encoded nuances and his proddings of ‘how to get over oneself’ and ‘how to experience the totality of oneSelf’. Lujan took me to my ‘haunted awareness’ and my ‘cloaked inner child’, in a way that I could now see the wood in the trees – for this I am grateful and inspired.

I would dearly love the opportunity to study under Lujan directly – an opportunity that for me is very difficult to achieve being a student of Chinese Medicine in Australia – and I feel the profound impact this opportunity would deliver on my life. I am done with the internal sufferings and poisons of ego games and status warfare, of wanting ‘to-be-somebody’, of satisfying others, of wallowing in pity and doubt, of repeating the same-old-thing. And I am aware, as-much-as-I-can, of the current state of the planet, and could describe this collective moment as ‘teetering on the edge of God-Knows-What’. I know from experience many of the sufferings and disharmonies of human life today, particularly of Western flavor – the anxiety, depression, confusion, the illnesses and vanities, the ecological pillage and destruction, the disrespect – and I know too intimately why young men in my country take their own lives all too regularly – because their disharmony cannot find a resolution, nor a home in the consensus reality – the consensus reality that is threatening the survival of our kind. And my heart desires to contribute to the Change and Transformation of this planet Earth, in this life, in my body, in a way that is for the good of all. And for this I know I need good method, and a little help from my friends – because I also realize that the only thing I can do is work on is my own microcosm – my body, my relationships, my mind, my mistakes, the learning and practicing and honing of awareness – this is why I want to study under Lujan. This is why I am practicing the awakening of the third eye. Thank you for reading these words.

Robert Andrew Wilkie

If you would like to vote for Robert please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

Photo courtesy of Contemplicity.

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  1. Beautiful…your clear language reflects your inner wealth & wisdom.

    Good Luck for your endeavours.

  2. “because I also realize that the only thing I can do is work on is my own microcosm – my body, my relationships, my mind, my mistakes, the learning and practicing and honing of awareness”

    In Lak’ech – “May I awaken so all beings may awaken”
    Good luck <3

  3. I was impressed by your self-awareness. Your own words seem to outline the good method you seek.

  4. “because I also realize that the only thing I can do is work on is my own microcosm – my body, my relationships, my mind, my mistakes, the learning and practicing and honing of awareness”

    …by working on yourself, you CAN do / affect so much more than is just in your “small” personal sphere. “man jita, jag jita” is a sanskrit saying that i’ve lived by for many years — meaning so much as “conquer your mind, conquer the world”.

    much power, strength, love and wisdom your way, my friend. and the best of luck to you.


  5. I vote for you Robert. I hear you. The dedications in studying Chinese Medicine full time are so worth it. Good Luck :)

  6. Beautiful. I vote for you. Best of luck Robert.

  7. Very moving words.i vote for you and wish you luck on this path.

  8. Dear Lujan,

    I would love the opportunity to study the Eight Gates of Dreaming Awake. I believe in this work and these practices, and I am ready for the challenge. I am ready for the techniques and assistance you have to offer. I would be so grateful for the opportunity to learn this particular technique.

    I am dedicated to the path of awakening – it is my calling, it is my striving, it is my haunting.

    I strive to conquer my delusions, my self-sabotaging activities and drainages, my identifications with things that don’t exist, and the wasting of precious life within matrices of emotional and physiological and mental reactions. For this I also need help! And a light heart. Things I have trouble with in the recent past. On every journey there are obstacles and resistances, and victories and gifts, and orders of unknowns, and I wish that I am able to receive assistance on this path of awakening, from the right source at the right time. I am working hard, and I feel like I am ready and deserved…

    Thanks for the opportunity……

    with love and sincerity,

    Robert Andrew Wilkie

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