Fifty Years

This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship Program was submitted by Rugay. If you would like to vote for Rugay please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

In late 1991 my Grandma died and left us (me and my Family) a fair amount of money which we equally shared between each other. For me it was enough to live from for at least a year and a half and as the bon vivant I had been that days, I decided to do so, instead of investing it into “my future” – ’cause “The Future” in the sense of becoming someone of importance with a “decent job” meant nothing to me…..while the idea of becoming a prominent musician always pleased me and during that time I played with several bands as a drummer on a semi-professional basis.

You know, the Legend of “Sex and Drugs and Rock’n Roll” while the reality of a real professional musician looks totally different…

It came to pass that my spiritual awakening took place in those years, caused by the fact that for a certain timeframe I had the priviledge to be free of any material need. Since I was around thirteen I had a strong interest in anything that has to do with scientific twillight zones, namely utopian visions, Sci-Fi and the undiscovered realms of consciousness, actually anything that can be read “between the lines” in this context. Over the years I randomly had experiences of heightened awareness and enhanced consciousness that simply happened without having any spiritual or esoteric practice at all – except for learning some martial arts when I was fifteen – and taking psychoactive drugs like LSD, Mushrooms and THC. And there always was that empathic talent I bear, which allowed me to come into deep contact with everything alive that surrounds me….

So in 1992 around springtime a “spiritual high” flodded me, so intense I couldn’t believe it first.It was like something of my childhood returned to me, when all things around me seem to fall into place naturally, lighthearted and easy. I literally hovered a few inches above the ground when walking while I felt totally grounded the same time. I continously walked into the park nearby to listen to the wind beckoning the trees and I heard the trees’ response like a beautiful simple melody – the melody of the universe itself. I felt how everything is connected with everything around us and how that tapestry of impersonal and unconditional love surrounds us as a guiding force that also keeps this whole universe together. I learned correct breathing (pranayama), meditation, visualisation and yoga literally out of nothing as if I had it done before all my life – of course I bought some books or attended courses to get started, but that wasn’t the point because, the basic principles of this energetic exercises and movements were already there, as if they had been written into my body and energy body long before. I just had to remember.This unbelieveable condition lasted for about six month and I prayed every day it may not disappear the same way it came to me: all over sudden.

It did, due to my unresolved issues and imprints and all that implications that are orchestrated around our daily lifes in this Living Construct which I wasn’t aware of that time. And after I spent all the money to sustain my independence, my life crashed heavily into what we call “Reality”. This was the time when I decided to make a therapy and was introduced to my first true teacher who practised a very intuitive and effective form of bioenergetic, body-oriented therapy he named “The Art of Contact”. I will always be deeply thankful for what he has done for me to break up and soften certain core imprints without I neither would have met the Nagual Lujan Matus nor would I have had the flexibility and energetical awareness to walk through the process of awakening, even without meeting Lujan Matus in person up to this day. Something I don’t regret at all because he is with me every hour of my life. This whole series of events up to the mid-ninetees was one of the most joyful and intense periods of my life, full of laughter , pure life and creativity, followed by the darkest period of my life after I quit therapy. It took me 10 Years before that Awakening I experienced continued in 2005 – by reading a small sidenote somewhere in the internet where the name “Lujan Matus” was displayed and I instantly I stepped into the loving realm of the Parallel Perception Shamanism Forum, meeting a true gentlemen named Lujan Matus. The rest of the story you find in the countless posts and contributions at the Parallel Perception Forum that bear witness about the Way of the Warrior and the Path of Heart.

I participate here by writing my essay for a very simple reason: I love participating and I feel inspired by all this wonderful and sincere essays I have read so far. I expect nothing and I sit still and wonder….while I feel with all my fibres that a fifty-years journey (and odyssey) is coming to a true Happy End.

Love to you all from


If you would like to vote for Rugay please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

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  1. I flat out loved your account. You exude vitality and a flair for unconventional discovery. In an important since you remind me of the spirit of Castenada’s time. Just great.

  2. “I participate here by writing my essay for a very simple reason: I love participating and I feel inspired by all this wonderful and sincere essays I have read so far”

    thank you so much for sharing !
    the best of luck,

  3. Stick-to-it-ive-ness will eventually brings rewards. Best of luck to you, Rugay.

  4. You inspire me rugay.


  5. Reading through some of the posts, I realized I had to come back and comment on yours our lovely bon vivant. You are so right, it is so important to participate in life. I just realized again that this is what the forum has allowed me to do, so thank you for expressing it. Lots of love friend :)

  6. your story touches with a deep understanding, I feel its essence in my own…a big vote for you…with love, Clara

  7. your story touches with a deep understanding, I feel its essence in my own…a big vote for you…with love, Clara

  8. As to apply for the “Eight Gates of Dreaming Awake” Tuition I can only point to what has been discussed & revealed at the Admins Forum just recently and in regard of one recent post at General Dreaming Discussion :

    Quote Lujan:

    “I’ve also been dreaming with other members of the forum. everyone has had different experiences.

    I am now attempting to show everyone their potential is unlimited.”

    My response: “In this dream image I also see the reflection of the one who is coming back (returning) to me.”

    The time is right to embody rugay and Andre therein, to embrace The Other and to intent not to dream.

  9. Thanks from my heart for your votes & warm comments all – I’m still a bit curious who is behind Jerry Lee, Unknown and Chickadee *biglaugh*.

    And Luma, Lyra & Clara = I just stumbled upon your (6th) vote yesterday (to my surprise :) ) :

    You are so lovely, I’m so happy to be with you at Parallel Perception *bigpumpingheart*

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