Lujan Matus; dissolve the mind so the spirit can dance….

This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship Program was submitted by Kristina. If you would like to vote for Kristina please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

Again, I awake from a restless sleep. This dream had me twisting and turning in bed, down bendy roads in my head in a small go-cart. Trying to drive with a shining piece of black-stone jewellery around my neck as the wheel was impossible; I was sliding and diving head first into the barriers, feeling more and more anxious as the clock ticked – and ultimately, in the dream, I missed my flight home.

Dreams of losing control or trying to control the situation come frequently. My subconscious ego has been trying to control the creative spirit inside for so long now; I recognise when it is scared and how it responds – yet I still haven’t been able to break free from its shadow, missing messages and dwelling on lower frequencies. Reading this website and the comments has reminded me that we are not alone and I wish all the luck to the other competitors. I am new here and other people probably deserve this more, but I had a dream a couple of nights ago where a group of elders told me to have more self-confidence and believe in myself. So here it is.

Three days ago I returned to my home in London (I felt relieved in the dark of this morning to know that I didn’t miss my flight!) after nearly 18months of travelling. I am an incredibly lucky young lady. I used to work for a British newspaper, which opened doors to some unbelievable opportunities and expanded my cultural and social awareness. But it also caged my energy. One day, daydreaming at my desk, I received a crucial email, and the opportunity to start living my dreams and release my nomad spirit, came true.

An adventurer named Ed Stafford was the first man to walk the full length of the Amazon. For his last few weeks in the jungle, he was seeking journalists to finish the walk with him and write about it for the press. Of course, my fears and those of my families bubbled, but this was it. So in a space of two weeks, I left everything and went to the jungle – living on absolute faith and counting my blessings, every day.

It was one of the most terrifyingly beautiful experiences of my life, the never-ending green, the sounds, the heat, the pressure, the bruises. Shortly, my time in the jungle was over and I didn’t want to return to England: I set forth around Brazil, into Argentina, where many weird and wonderful things happened. It was deep in the lush Patagonian mountains that my spirit really came alight; studying and living with a community that follows the 13moon/Mayan/José Argüelles calendar. In a nutshell, this way of life really hit home.

A lot of things changed internally while I was there, writing this now I realise I need to write more to fully understand it all. Living in a tent, washing in the river, meditating on the energies and cycles of the moon….we tapped into galactic time and it opened portals in my brain….. The chain of events led me to Peru, where I spent some 6months immersed in Andean culture, experimenting with ways to survive; selling food, busking, teaching piano, yoga, painting, working on farms in exchange for food and a bed – I was very lucky in meeting great people that helped me along the way.

For all the courage I discovered within and for the love I found of god whilst travelling, when I touched down on home-oil, I realised that my energy is still trapped within me, my hands and feet still cold. Several years ago I was bulimic and though I have long since been the skinny, exercise-obsessed girl – there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t look in the mirror and judge myself. I have travelled through some of the most beautiful parts of the world, yet I have not travelled through this very vessel I am within. I am blocking my full potential to heal myself and others. This wonderful feeling of belonging, of being at home right now is what I long to feel in my body, and I believe Lujan Matus’s truth will set me free. By implementing the tools and courage to take up my position as a warrior of light, I can finally and fully appreciate myself and all that is around with love and understanding, and harness that energy to become a fully conscious being.

As Roland Barthes said, ‘who speaks is not who writes, who writes is not who is;’ and so I find it difficult at times to really describe what it is I am seeking. For all the coincidences my spirit has been led here. Thank you for reading and for this fantastic opportunity.


If you would like to vote for Kristina please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

Photo courtesy of Kelsey LoveFusionPhoto

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  1. I think you deserve this scholarship as much as anyone. You’ve revealed yourself to be professionally competent, adventurous, brave, vulnerable, artistic, interested in others — well, it goes on and on. You’re outright winsome.

  2. Peru is a beautiful, powerful, mysterious country (plan to go there one day!) – may your journey bring you back there within the Nagual, dancing in the spirit of silence.


  3. Lovely Kristina, Lovely. Bless You

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. “A lot of things changed internally while I was there, writing this now I realise I need to write more to fully understand it all”

    You’re at the right place to write and understand Kristina

    Love to you

  6. This experience was the beginning of the rest of your life.You are inspirational and extremely talented. You have searched high and low, far and wide to find your true self and it sounds as though you have reached a stage in your life when you can begin to accept and love yourself for who you truly are. It is now onwards and upwards, let people in and accept the love from your family and real friends with open arms. You have a beautiful heart and soul. Much love. Bernadette

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