This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship Program was submitted by Clara. If you would like to vote for Clara please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
For as long as I can remember there has resided in me an urge to move away from everything that was known and familiar around me, to go to the end of this world and beyond, to answer to the ‘pulling force leading back to the source of all’ as I literally felt it and named it all these years ago.
An awareness of something real that either filled me with a longing almost painful in its intensity, or brought on a dread almost too much to bear because of its endless depth and emptiness.
Either my age or my daydreaming, philosophical tendencies rendered me quite incapable of dealing with this intense influx, and in later years this translated into wishing to leave my birthplace, travel the world to seek the farthest places and intending to never come back, to be swallowed up in this new place, become a different person, or maybe a person I had been before, feeling homesick for and familiar with places I didn’t know in times I do not live in.
I was told this was mere escapism, that I could not escape my sadness and sorrows by simply moving away, that it would travel with me as far as I would go.
Little did they know that the explorer’s intent of discovering the unknown, being at home in it without being lost, is nothing like hiding or denying, rather the opposite, but neither did I at the time, or if I did deep down, I had no words to describe this magnificent existential pull toward this wordless thing that created such turmoil for me.
Not being a natural ‘go-getter’ and overly contemplating everything, this nameless thing gave me the runaround for a couple of years, to go out in the world of growing up, get some life experience, always looking for this feel of realness in different things, but never quite finding it, only to come back to it in a very different way, after having acquired the baggage that to me may prove essential to its resolution.
Having rediscovered this sublime signature feel after several years, and experience that resonance that connects everything, there was a gaping trap trying to lure me into the darker side of this magical coin, the desire for power, for unknown worlds, for terrifying abilities, and in this wretched desire I was even quickly bypassing the earthy, natural, self-reliant life that I truly envisioned, until the problems that I had created for myself in the years before pulled me down harshly but poignantly to illustrate the point I was missing.
Lujan’s teaching, as far as I have been able to so far, and his suggestion to take up martial arts training, are finally leading me to the very essence, connecting the floating dots, and that key is utter practicality and applicability; nothing is for nothing, the key to the simplest and most outrageous personal developments is in taking complete responsibility, to hold no one and no thing accountable, in being able to transform every single act into a meaningful one, in order to accumulate that very essential thing, it is in the most confronting honesty and openness, in truly having no points to defend.
It is bringing me love, so much love, ever increasing clarity, my impatience has actually transformed into steady determination, my actions and routines have acquired an effortlessness in effort that keep amazing me, I have realized my personal blocks on the road are not holding me back, overcoming them in this way is the path to ultimate transformation.
I may be nowhere yet, and yet I am there already. It is all here and all now. The magical and real are everywhere, in me and in you and in all things!
Thank you for this great opportunity!
If you would like to vote for Clara please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
Photo courtesy of Alice Popkorn