I am making my way up a narrow path through green rice fields. A little stream flows briskly along to my left. The night chorus of crickets has given way to a loud call and response of roosters. They seem to remain unseen, like so much of Bali, behind a veil. It’s one o’clock in the afternoon and I feel the warm sun overhead. I turn left onto a smaller path going to meet Lujan Matus. After crossing a tiny bridge I arrive at an archway. A black dog announces my arrival. Not wanting to upset the dog I stay still, waiting. After awhile Lujan appears, greeting me with a hug. The dog falls silent.
I perceive him differently from yesterday. He seems larger somehow. Massive even. I become aware of a pressure inside my chest. The feeling quickly enlists my abdomen, which I can feel tightening as I follow Lujan. We walk past some workers and little children playing amongst baby chicks and many plants. Beautiful birds are singing. I notice there is a very good feeling in his space. He motions me to sit down.
“What’s going on?” He asks.
“Huh? Oh, I feel fine!” I respond with too much enthusiasm.
“You are different today. You have changed from yesterday. You heart space is spinning differently,” he relays to me, very matter of fact.
“Yea.” I turn my full attention to the unpleasant feeling swirling in my chest. “I am feeling somewhat nervous.”
“O.K. He seems to welcome my comment. “What is it”?
“I don’t know” I say flatly.
“Yes, you do know. You must tell me what it is.”
His pointed inquiry is increasing my anxiety. “It just happens to me,” I begin, searching for words to fit the feelings. “When I perceive myself going beyond my limits, a fearful feeling begins to arise. It increases until I am subject to it. It surrounds me. It has happened my whole life.”
“Where does it come from? What is its source?” He is regarding intently.
“I don’t know. I have just always had to deal with this. It comes up and envelops me as if it is a part of me.” I can feel the hopelessness of my words.
“You know where it comes from” he insists. “Something happened to you. This thing is not a part of you. You did not have it yesterday. You were yourself completely. Now this has entered. Tell me what it is.”
It appears I will have to answer. He is waiting, studying me. I want to escape his gaze. It feels as though he is reading my thoughts.
Nervous, I glance at him. He meets my eyes but I look away quickly, lowering my head. Gazing at the floor I am suddenly in the hallway of my house when I was 15. My father is there preventing me from going up the stairway. His presence is very oppressive and dangerous. I am cowering inside. He tells me he is going to break my spirit. I just look at him. I know he cannot do this, yet I feel my spirit move up within me and go out the left side of my body. I feel it hovering a little above me on my left. I become gripped with fear knowing my spirit is out of my body. I am in a cold sweat. I am paralyzed.
“What is happening?” I hear Lujan’s voice. It sounds far away.
I tell Lujan I know where the feeling comes from. I tell him about the encounter with my father.
“He is feeding off of your energy” Lujan announces. It is more of a pronouncement.
“Right now?” I ask.
“Yes. When this site is triggered within you he takes your energy. No one has the right to take your energy, Leia. This must stop immediately.” He seems to be talking to my body. “You have to seal yourself.” He falls silent and looks off to the side. Addressing me again, he says he can see visually what was occurring. He describes a chest of drawers. Some of the drawers are pushed in, making my energy available for taking. He tells me that now the drawers are going to go back into their proper position.
A picture flashes in front of Lujan as he speaks. The picture contains images that describe my energetic situation, and its resolution. Within the images is information conveyed as feelings being sent directly to my heart center. The pictures convey to me a feeling of how to seal my energy body. They also show me my energetic body sealed in an original state. The feeling is transferred to me, bodily.
“You just saw the pictures in front of us, didn’t you?” He knows the answer.
I confirm that I saw.
“What appeared in front of us confirms that you are now sealed.” As Lujan speaks the tattoos on his forearms lift up a foot and hover there. It feels like they are participating or making a statement. As they hover I feel the echo of my own feelings, a tremendous surge of love within my heart. “Your tattoos” I point out to him. He is observing them in silence.
I look around the room. It is very dreamlike. I look at Lujan. His eyes hold me within their kindness. I look within them for a long time. He beckons me to travel there and I travel, into nothing. His eyes are filled to the brim with emptiness.
“Shall we begin?” He asks.
Begin? I wonder what he means.
To be continued …
Photo courtesy of John&Fish