Visiting the Nagual Lujan Matus became a perplexing event for me. I would have said that I went without expectation, but the magic of the event proved me wrong. I went with expectations I would not admit. Before we could get any work done, Lujan has to use his magic hammer to knock out those nasty nuggets so we can toss them away.
On the second day, Lujan said, “Tell me what’s going on with you today. What is different from yesterday when we first met?”
“Oh, there’s nothing,” I replied. “I’m just excited to get to work.”
“Yes, there is something different. Your heart center is spinning in a different direction today.”
I had no idea what this meant. I had heard other students mention that Lujan had said this same thing to them, so I thought it was an introduction to his teachings. I honestly believed it was my excitement that it was “my turn” to learn with Lujan. I had arrived a few days early than my scheduled week and had to wait patiently for another student to complete their week. In the next few minutes, I would find myself so stunned by Lujan’s presence and words that I could not so much as blink my eyes.
It has taken me years to be able to come to feeling comfortable with the truth of this encounter, just to be able to write it here in an open forum. It was further study with Lujan’s teachings — and coming out of my hiding place after the exposure — that I can even put words to it. Had I been able to speak truthfully in that moment on the first day, I would have said something like: “I am in control now; it’s my time. Give me some of your secrets.”
When I read Lujan’s words in Awakening the Third Eye, “the right eye’s [ability] to hoard and possess,” the essence of our obsessions began to crystalize in my awareness. This possessiveness knows no boundaries; it even tries to capture and claim interactions with other people. I realize now that I had actually captured and was possessing a definition of “magic.” When events were not living up to my definition, I would apply anger — in one form or another — to the situation to try to correct it. After recapitulating my visit, I understand now that a most magical, powerful energetic exchange took place. I am becoming aware of the “social person” me and the “child” me.