This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship Program was submitted by Claudia. If you would like to vote for Claudia please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
I took Lujan’s class “The Transformational healing“ at the end of November 2013, the technique that he teaches is very simple. Your mind cannot grasp it, therefore you can miss it totally, but just making an effort gives you insights.
I was able to experience silence. At the beginning this silence was threatening to me. I would hold my breath, but still I made the effort to relax and feel the stillness. Afterward, I found out that it has a lot of side effects.
First of all, I noticed that my mind is quiet for longer periods of time. This quiet has brought my heart to the scene of my daily living, I am able to distinguish how I feel throughout the day. As before, I was just running in all directions doing my chores. I had no clue what was happening inside of me, to the point that I would be exploding for no reason at all. It has been a fault of mine, to accumulate mental and emotional junk, without being aware of it at all. Consequently my practice of the techniques has allowed me to process all these feelings in a more conscious way.
By being able to see my feelings, I could see the root of them. They came from experiences in the past, and the way I was raised. I have a lot of very old memories that have been affecting my behavior in my present life, and I have to say I have seen them in the most crude way. I was able to see the reason of my actions. However this viewing has been not in a self-defeating way, it has been in a loving environment that allows me to understand that the things that happened in my life do not have to define me anymore. I can go inside and change the way I feel about myself.
One of the great complaints in my life has been, “people do not respect me, everyone hates me, only if they would respect me I would….” Surprisingly I discovered that the main reason of my mistakes is my lack of self-confidence. Finally I could see it painted on the wall, self-confidence is not something that people furnish you with, it is something you have, and it was never taken away, you just learned to ignore it. How could I have learned to ignore that I have value, that I exist?
The answer is, the fear that I had been raised with. I have been able to see it and feel the fear inside of me for many years, but it was not until I practice the techniques of The Transformational Healing that I could realize that my self-confidence is intact, I just have to remove the dust from it, put it on, and wear it with a smile on my face.
For example last Friday I had lunch with a colleague of mine, proudly she calls herself “I am the instigator”, thinking to be very helpful. She told me how things should be (socialization) and I played with this new idea, and I ended up arguing with my husband because of it on Saturday. By Sunday I had such a conflict between my heart and my mind that it felt like the dark night of the soul.
I woke up thinking of it on Monday morning; I then remembered “The Eight Gate” technique. I did it a couple of times and I could feel the difference. It works just like a switch, the battle of the ego came to a stop, and I was able to make a decision with my heart that made me feel at ease with myself again. I do not have to do what others tell me. I can trust myself; it is like being a new person.
I started reading “The art of stalking parallel perception: The living tapestry of Lujan Matus”. This book is not one that can be read rapidly, it must be studied, let it sink deeply. I will not go into what I have understood from the book, because I am running out of room here. Though, I have to mention that “The shamanic dance” is mentioned in the book, and it does promise quietude to those who practice it. I have this quote from the book “it will vanquish everything that is in opposition to a clear heart” this is exactly what I want to accomplish in my life.
Since I wrote these lines, the experience of myself has continued to change. It gets deeper and deeper. I don’t think words are eloquent enough to explain it, so I hope that what I had said gives you a little insight into what being a student of Nagual Lujan Matus can offer.
Claudia P Heugel