Examining Self-Validation

self-validationDear Nagual Lujan,
another question …
An unresolved Event

When I read “The Gun has only one Bullet” in your remarkable “Whispering of the Dragon” last week the following unresolved event, which has occurred about three years ago, popped up.

After my friends and I had done some energy exercises we sat down and talked quietly for a while. As usual one of my friends, started the conversation. He maintained that we only would change our life when we were with our back to the wall. He says, that he has discussed this subject with his work team the full afternoon the day before, and that they became convinced that their thesis was true. My other friends agreed with him.

Due to the energy exercises I have reached a deeper inner silence – as usual. I am relaxed, friendly, follow his long explanations with intense interest, though it´s a bit difficult to do so. Sometimes I lose the thread. I feel my vulnerability. The defense mechanism of my normal (corrupt) social mask obviously is weak.

After a while, my friends have almost finished their discussions, I say to him kindly that being in an “enhanced” awareness we are able to recognize corrupt developments and can interrupt them. Now he repeats impatiently that his explanations are right. Then he adds: What you have said is bullshit!

I am surprised and then I feel wounded. It´s not the first time he has attacked me. I feel, how my being wounded (being offended) is changing into anger, and how my anger gains strength. My head is spinning. I remark how my inner dialog pushes forward (“he always knows everything better”, and so on) triggered and powered by my anger. Finally my inner silence and my heart are overflowed and I indignantly answer something stupid. When he challenges me to give him a single example I am fully back in my self-validation.

“Alternatively, another option when being assaulted is that you can retreat. (…), then you allow yourself to be aware and
simultaneously wounded (…).” (page 54)

When I have read this passage in your book last week I stopped and was really excited, and then the “unresolved event” popped up. This (second) option was a completely new idea for me. I understood that it’s possible to STAY in my being wounded. To accept it and to hold it in my inner silence would help me to hinder my anger. Though I was not able to understand what I should further do with it.

What’s the deeper meaning of observing my wound within?
Please, could you be so kind to explain this second option again with easy words?

With kind regards and many thanks,

Hey Mark,

I am glad you like my latest book, Whisperings of the Dragon.

Being wounded is the first experience that you have noted. As your power gathers your self-importance will diminish and the emotional trigger then turns into a responsive insight.

That is why you stay with it. Let it sit within you so you can watch it. As you do this you don’t mention that you are hurt to anyone. You don’t even talk to yourself about it inside your own head.

Gently watch the feeling and as you go about your business during the day, you can speak from this feeling with kindness and compassion to all around you.

As you release the residue of the wound through the activity of giving to others unconditionally, you realize that it is more important to let go and to engage with genuineness. This is how one’s internal wounds, through the practice of observing what arrives within you, becomes wisdom.

It is the same mechanism that everybody uses when they mature through life’s experiences when they become very old. Apply it now instead of later and life will be full to the brim with everything else and nothing of yourself, yet the contradiction is that you begin to interact with your whole being via this technique.

If my explanation is not sufficient please comment below to ask more questions.

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  1. Lujan, you have filled my heart with your answer. Thank you!

    I have noticed that when I am alone and allow to talk to myself about being hurt by another, my arms or fingers or other body part will tremble and I will break the plate I wash, or kick myself badly in the leg of the chair, etc. I realize then that it is this feeling that I observe, externally, and I start watching it again and stop talking to myself about it. It happened in this way many times.

  2. this article is really helpful for me and is continuously very potent information. thankyou mark for asking and lujan for elucidating. staying in the wound and allowing it to become gentle wisdom from which kindness and compassion arises is one of the most calming and healing practices. the strength of accepting the pain, during the fragility of feeling it, seems to anchor me into the most generous softness of the heart. in this way, it reveals to me our capacity for kindness.

  3. Accepting the pain, holding it in silence instead of casting it off and burdening others with our emotional ouch is a big hurdle for me and I so appreciate a fresh reminder of the supreme importance of maintaining integrity for oneself and others. A tongue on the loose is no one’s friend. Thank you Phi for sharing the benefits of “staying in the wound”.

  4. Thanks all for your inspiring comments. You embolden me to face the challenges.
    Especially thanks to Nagual Luhan. Your comment was more than sufficient. I am awaiting eagerly the next attack!

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