This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Georgina Kemm.
This year the scholarship includes a choice of either: attendance at the Dragon’s Tears Workshop in the Canary Islands from August 2nd-8th – or – participation on the online Transformational Healing and Meditation program.
If you would like to offer your support for Georgina please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
I have been on the Whisperings of the Dragon journey for several of months now. I went through periods of frustration that I’d never get it, excitement when something challenging felt easy and the healing wonders occurring in my mind and in my body.
I will start here, with most tangible aspect, my physical body. I strained my ears so they stretched out like conch shells, listening to what cannot be heard. I listened to the birds, the cars, the hum of the computer.
Is this what Lujan meant? I kept listening. My attention went to the heat in my inner ears. I heard a buzzing, a wha wha sound, and my heart beating. I could only sustain this for seconds at a time. I could only hold my breath that long. Like two wires crossed, I couldn’t separate breathing and hearing. A memory came to me of when I was a small child. I was laying in bed, I could see my ears outstretched just beyond the door, listening while holding my breath so I could hear if the foot steps came closer. When this insight appeared, it was as if a reset button had been switched on, and I gasped and gulped a huge breath of air.
Once the breathing and hearing functioned properly, I slipped into the dark cave behind my heart, finding stillness. And then, the fiery impulse to paint emerged. I wanted to paint at every opportunity and I’m not an artist! Previously, the inner voices bossed me around, resulting in distraction and lack of focus. Within the silence I felt vibration, heat and coolness of my energy moving. I loved this space. I was having a love affair with my own vitality. Looking back, I can see now, self-importance crept in as I puffed with pride at reaching the milestone of inner silence.
I went camping with my husband several hours from the city. I thought the outer silence would add to the inner silence and peace would be forever mine. But memories going back decades surfaced. A fever of hurts and resentments flared. I felt I was going crazy. I beat myself up and cursed at how I failed the eight gates or they failed me. Looking to sooth the beast raging, I took out my book and the next chapter happened to be The Medicine Wheel of Wisdom. I came to Lujan’s warning about unwelcome emotions.(Thanks for including this!) I watched the white tiger rage and shred me. A week before, I had a dream about a white tiger standing atop a black wall, which tumbled. I didn’t know what it meant. A couple of days later, the tiger tired and left. Now, it visits less often.
For my entire reproductive life I have experienced very painful menstrual cramps. I would vomit and writhe in agony, or faint. No drugs, diet or alternative approaches helped. One night shortly after I practiced, The Last Seven Gates the dreaded cramping feeling began, along with thoughts of how to escape what I imagined coming. A voice gently reminded me of what I had learned. Slowly, I went through the gates. I didn’t run away. And I discovered a part I had been avoiding as if it was the black sheep in my life. I am now pain free from what I tried to “fix” for most of my life!
I notice I seek self-validation where I lack self-worth. I pat myself on the back with an internal congratulations or encouragement. These practices help me see how I draw energy from others by seeking validation. I do not receive the unconscious victory I sought and it stirs up the white tiger. When it appears, I acknowledge it’s presence. I can choose not to follow the fight. Now, when others use me to seek self- validation, I observe how my body reacts to the assault and I can leave. I practice being in my compassionate heart, without judging another’s journey, yet being vigilant of my own.
The idea of carrying this practice from my private meditations out into the world while interacting with people seemed impossible. Initially, as soon as I came out of meditation I’d pop out of myself, especially if I felt pressure on my field to act. I now understand and see my conditioning more clearly. I still behave as a social animal and not myself, but less so.
My journey with the Whispering of the Dragon is patiently taking me back to who I am. Yet, I require Lujan’s integrity and brutal honesty to guide me out of my delusion into who I am destined to be. Infinite gratitude for your teachings Lujan, and our paths crossing. I am ready.