This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Soo Young Lee.
This year the scholarship includes a choice of either: attendance at the Dragon’s Tears Workshop in the Canary Islands from August 2nd-8th – or – participation on the online Transformational Healing and Meditation program.
If you would like to offer your support for Soo Young please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
“The simple answer to this quandary is to accept and take responsibility, thus neutralizing one’s self-importance through withdrawing that mood and becoming of service to that which cannot be controlled.” –Lujan Matus
I am responsible. My current struggle is a reflection of my previous actions and choices. Because of my inability to see certain aspects of myself, I am slowly crumbling apart. I have come full circle back to my anxious, socialized self after experiencing a period of grace and freedom. But all is not lost.
After my partner and I had private sessions with Lujan to learn Dragon’s Tears, I came back home with clarity, my life unfolding with understanding. Lujan’s teachings and movements helped me see my conditioned, defensive habits and encouraged me to embrace my true essence.
My energy was suddenly freed up and reclaimed by all that I was not doing and by saying no to endless forms of distractions. My vulnerability became my strength that I could communicate clearly with my love and stand in my power with softness.
Each time I felt anger or judgment arise through interactions with others, I could see those very things in myself like the movements in Dragon’s Tears that point and coil outward to only come back to me with fingers directed inward.
Lujan wrote, “We are surrounded by more than what we expect. We are at the moment freeing ourselves from our encasement; collectively and individually.” Humbled and ashamed, I began to shed my false self. I was able to recognize what I needed to let go of. I was truly experiencing moments of lightness and felt connected to a place of silence that hummed with energy.
Every day, words flowed out from my heart as I wrote as easily as breathing. In these flashes, I felt chills run and up and down my body. I understood what I am meant to do with this lifetime, to share my experiences as my path unfolded, to communicate the insights sparked by working with my Teacher. I found precious pockets of silence within. There were long moments of no self-talk, no words.
Then it happened, about six weeks later, I forgot Lujan’s statement, “Personal power is an impersonal affair that can only be applied, not acquired.” I tried to control and prolong my spiritual high as if there was a limited supply of it. I let worry fill my head with chatter keeping me unavailable to the possibilities of what can actually be perceived. Lujan wrote,” If you use any circumstance as a vehicle of validation, you follow a road that entraps and imprisons you. If you go the way of service and not seeking recognition, you embark on a magical path, upon which you have no idea where you’re going to end up.”
Validation comes in many forms and is cunning in its approach. There are clear markers of my sins that pull me away from innocence and compel me toward control: anxious preoccupation, ego-driven actions that seek false safety and a false sense of worth. Even with the purest hopes, I blindly hijacked the very ways of doing and being that I wanted to release and let them block my evolution.
When we see the signposts of validation and preoccupation in our life path, we must stop and observe ourselves before plodding along.
Lujan explains how the unresolved inner child’s immature desires and self-serving preoccupations taint our perceptions and actions when caught in Haunted Awareness. Because of my past, I sometimes question if I am worthy of love and good experiences; so when I feel my life is blessed, I tend to grasp at it as if it is my last taste of joy. We can carry aspects of our core fears and habits into the practice of our best intentions including our spiritual growth, creative endeavors, and loving relationships. We must sincerely be aware of ourselves.
There is no place safe from our conditioned humanization except in silence. In this silence, we are in our hearts and no words can express the peace and power that resides there. Lujan’s guidance is the light directing me back to this quiet void.
So I begin again, feeling disoriented but with a recollection of a beautiful silence. It speaks volumes to me. I find it calling me again. I am responsible for cultivating all that supports my growth and evolution. It begins with letting go and not doing. Lujan’s words are reminders to come back home to the wondrous notes of inner silence.
My heartfelt desire is to continue this essential work. I choose this path, the path Lujan revealed to me by clearing the fallen leaves of my mind and pointing the way to truth. I am forever grateful.
Soo Young Lee