This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Mountainseagirl.
This year the scholarship includes a choice of either: attendance at the Dragon’s Tears Workshop in the Canary Islands from August 2nd-8th – or – participation on the online Transformational Healing and Meditation program.
If you would like to offer your support for Mountainseagirl please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
The teachings of Lujan Matus have shown me what I am not, and what I can no longer be. For this, I will always be grateful. If I’m going to discuss my experience with these teachings, then my deep and abiding gratitude needs to be expressed first and foremost. (Thank you, Lujan.)
I could say that Lujan’s teachings have deepened and broadened my inner silence, but those words are so trite and they don’t even begin to convey what that actually means. No. I believe it is more accurate to say that Lujan delivered me to my inner silence. Because then it naturally follows, that he delivered me from something else.
Despite years of searching and learning from many teachers, I was still identified with a false identity in form and constantly wrestling with the social construct on this planet. It wasn’t until I encountered Lujan’s books that I started to see for myself that I was dealing with a self-aware and non-local entity that stalks us continuously. And it had me; hook, line, and sinker. I had bought into Achievement with a capital “A”. And the more I achieved, the more miserable I became.
I knew something was amiss; it was unmistakable. But I also knew in my heart that I had lost something that shouldn’t be, couldn’t be lost. So I kept searching; I learned to meditate; I found the “off button”; I found silence. I had moments of revelation. But somehow I always found myself once again identified and aligned with a self-destructive entity whose purposes changed with the wind. How I hated that entity! How I hated myself.
But I didn’t know. I didn’t understand what I was up against.
When I encountered Lujan’s teachings, it was like being struck with lightning. His words clearly resonated in me as Truth, but they also shocked me to my core. I was Neo, waking up in the Matrix, and seeing for the first time, with my own eyes, how I was being used. And even worse, there was no getting around the ugly fact that I was complicit in my own enslavement. And yet… there, in my complicity, was my freedom.
For a while, I believed that I could know what I knew and still be what I was (or what I thought I was). I thought I was “someone” who had achieved “success”. But the jig was up; my identity and all the years of ever-important doings were exposed as nothing but a lie, no more than a puff of smoke that momentarily obscured the truth. And I could no longer be the person that did those doings of “success”. But neither could I give it all up! (“It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven.”) And in the grip of this highly untenable situation, my physical body finally, mercifully, broke down, thus confirming what I already knew: I could no longer be what I was.
As my body heals, most of the social construct around me has collapsed. I no longer have an “identity”; I don’t even have a job. Our social circle has disintegrated; our friends have moved away. The boat and the cars are being sold; my income is gone; we are downsizing. Yet I’ve never been more at peace. I’m so grateful that everything in the universe has conspired for me to be right where I am so that I can realize myself as an instrument of eternity. I have everything I need; I desire nothing. I am perfectly content with whatever happens; I don’t want to interfere with the way things are. I don’t need to “be” or “have” anything. I only want to see.
Sometimes I feel bad because my husband didn’t agree to any of this. I’ve gone so far as to apply for positions in my former profession, but when I get close to an offer, my hair literally stands on end and I bolt. How can I give up the freedom I’ve found for a paycheck attached to a false identity? Yet my husband makes no such demands on me. He doesn’t understand, but he knows. And I know that I am a very lucky woman.
As for why I would like to learn shamanic movement or study further with Lujan in an online format, it seems my body is quite adamant in this; otherwise, I would not ask for anything more than the freedom I have already been given. The very idea of it nearly causes my heart to leap out of my chest.