Inner Transformation: Coming to Terms With Who You Are, Honestly

inner-transformation

Lujan, Learning about the applications of the medicine wheel you have written about in Whisperings of the Dragon has caused me to see deeper into myself lately.

For the past six or seven years, I have been diligently working on regaining and improving my professional career, revitalizing my physical health, and deepening my commitment to breaking bad habits of interaction with others.

Lately, though, I have discovered a bit of the black widow within me. I am dating a man whom I like so much that it has interfered with my performance at work. I have gotten very sloppy in my professionalism. Even though it was a rather subconsciousness willingness to do so, I was willing to let everything fall apart that I’ve been building for years, like a black widow, as if I am the other person who can’t succeed.

I find I get sneaky and coercive, like the poison dragon, even if my intention is to protect my heart, instead of simply speaking to a person about the problem.

Even though I believe I have no expectation, when I get the feeling that I’m not receiving sincere concern from my partner, I find the white tiger trying to speak to me, telling me I should get angry and mean in order to correct the problem.

Is the reason you use the word medicine “wheel” because these medicines can roll from one to another?

Applying these teachings has left me deeply affected. I can no longer use the forces that used to drive me, but I’m at a bit of a loss as to how to motivate myself now. It’s as if I’m a young child again, only now learning how to communicate with the world.

Thank you for your insight into these medicines.
Gwendolyn

Yes the wheel is self-evident in terms of its rotation. One element overshadows and brings light to the other. The only reason that this wheel of wisdom is useful is that it gives a moment’s pause, as you have experienced, to one’s negative traits.

This is where the medicine is hidden.

Not only becoming kind to yourself you will find, through this act, wisdom arrives to speak on your behalf when these feelings dissipate within the full ramifications of applying the truth.

Usually when one is first leaving the detrimental cycle of the black widow, white tiger and poison dragon, they may use what seems to be the same emotional attributes belonging to them to speak their truth. But in actuality this is a seer within discovering the discord that has been put upon our very living circumstances through the perpetuation of denial that allows these traits to embed themselves through the fact that it seems that everybody practices them – and why should someone attempt to change who they are, or their living circumstances, because everybody else does it?

Gwendolyn, the energy that you find bottled up is your own self-knowledge; your own need not to have harm done to you nor to do harm to any other. For in actuality when we meet someone who is violent toward us the very structure of our quantum flux mirrors back what it receives. It is just that we have got attached to what we are mirroring back.

The observed and the observer change. It is just what we do when we are being observed, either by ourselves or another that brings us to a place of true mindfulness, which in actuality is empty of itself, being fully aware without thought. Being without agenda.

Being open to the full ramifications of the circumstances and acting accordingly from this emptiness is the warrior’s challenge.

When a hurricane appears upon the face of the earth it is only redistributing accumulated heat, so as to distill harmony once again. Bring upon yourself the winds of change and start to rebuild anew. In doing so, learn to appreciate what we cannot possess, yet be fully aware that the only thing we can acquire is nothing and true wisdom is hidden within this.

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11 Comments
  1. Yes, what a good reminder to be calm and gentle with myself and circumstances and mirror back what is truly me and the wisdom of my life experience rather than being attached to and mirroring back socially saturated emotionality.

    “To be fully aware without thought. Being without agenda.” Love and kindness, presence and mindfulness. Thank you for this post. Much love.

  2. This has really touched my heart. Thank-You!

  3. Thank you, this is amazing!

  4. “For in actuality when we meet someone who is violent toward us the very structure of our quantum flux mirrors back what it receives. It is just that we have got attached to what we are mirroring back.”
    I was invited to a roller derby game by my niece. Both teams contained all women players. I sat in the back to get a better seat in which to observe. I was not really paying attention to the game because I didn’t find it that interesting. What I did find interesting was how my body felt and what came up for me emotionally and in my thoughts. I felt extreme tension underneath my skin, almost as if my skin would burst from the pressure. I felt aggression and a lot of judgement came up. I recognized this was not mine, yet I felt it. It took some time to leave my system. I did not enjoy how my body felt. Thank you for this explanation Lujan.

  5. Thank you for this post. Im exploring this more and more in my life. Feeling the footprints in my energyfield without words. Where I get caut is with my teenage son. He really triggers something in my when he takes the side of the “conventional society” How can we teach the young ones? In the moment I write this I feel I already know the answer

  6. I guess thats the Magic of it all.
    Lots of Love

  7. “Gwendolyn, the energy that you find bottled up is your own self-knowledge; your own need not to have harm done to you nor to do harm to any other. For in actuality when we meet someone who is violent toward us the very structure of our quantum flux mirrors back what it receives. It is just that we have got attached to what we are mirroring back.”

    i am also finding this a continuous walk of self-observation to realise this. it has surprised me to be shown how this operates with violence in subtle details when it is hidden. when i was really observing some very revealing details about this in my life, i had a dream that someone who was projecting violence upon me, from their own past experiences, set a dog onto me, to attack me. when the dog arrived it came running snarling towards me ready to attack. Suddenly my body took a still position and a mudra of protection that held no reactive violence in it. this surprised me as i didn’t know i knew this. then the dog stopped and became calm and happy to be with me. the dog said, “Oh! You aren’t violent. Huh, someone set the dogs onto you because they projected their violence onto their image of you, yet they are the one who is violent as they are the one who has set the dogs upon another. See?” I asked the dog if it could tell this person the same thing, when it returned. It cracked up laughing and said, “No. They aren’t ready to deal with a talking dog”. I laughed. The dog showed me it’s return to the person, who immediately started trying to distract themselves from the realisation by trying to have sex with the girl next to them. They both wore red jeans. I realised this part of how the base chakra can hold our distortions and convert them into projections onto others if we aren’t able to look at ourselves honestly.
    I feel the only protection we have if we are near violence, or the hidden version in white tiger energy, is our seeing and compassion. To hold a neutral yet protective position without being compromised or sending back a reactive signal. I felt i will be learning how to do that forever, yet something in my body knowing how to take the position and hold the mudra gives me the feeling to trust myself in knowing what to do. Thankyou gwendolyn for your post. enjoy the happiness. trust the goodness in your heart is what you can apply to yourself to return to centre :)

    • This is very insightful Phi. I really like this – especially when the dog laughed. The irony of it.

      • it’s hilarious. the humour at that point healed me and reset me, because i thought i was about to be mauled by a dog. lots of love.

  8. Lujan, thank you so, so, so much for this reply. I’ve had a difficult time responding to it not because it disrupted something in me, but because it has set something in motion of which I was already aware and could not quite get a grasp on. Learning from you has taught me to have integrity with my actions, which in turn has brought me so much laughter and joy. My personal relationship crosses racial boundaries and I have to step so carefully. As my imprints are removed, I can see the attachments of my partner. Speaking to these wastes of energy causes explosions on such a deep level. On a community level, it can cause violence to erupt. It hurts my heart deeply. I’m torn between love and fear. Your assistance has always proved to keep me balanced. I’m grateful for your sincerity and wisdom. Thank you again.

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