Working with Lujan has been a pivotal experience for me, and I can only share the experience with the benefit of hind sight, for it is now a part of me, and I can’t really separate all that well the things occurring before our first session and what happened during them.
In the time leading up to my scheduled meetings with Lujan to go through the Transformational Healing and Meditation program, one thing was very apparent to me. If I wanted to get the most out of the experience and the investment I’d made, I had homework to do before hand. When I originally booked I wasn’t sure what that was exactly, but as the date became imminent, I started to get more clarity on what this looked like.
Based on everything that I knew about Lujan from what he shares online and through his books, Lujan was going to see right through anything I tried to present to him, and I habitually try to control the way that I’m perceived by others. I booked the sessions based on knowing I wanted help and that Lujan seemed capable of delivering it, as his books resonated so strongly with me. But whenever I considered what help I was seeking, I realized that I was looking for validation of things I had experienced from a source I believed in. Asking for that directly felt wrong, and seeking it indirectly would only create a diversion that would be seen through.
Not a good use of energy for anyone, so where did that leave me?
I came to know that I needed to overcome my desire to use Lujan to compensate for the lack of belief I had in myself and my own experiences, and the only way I could see to allow my interaction with him to be unpolluted by all of this, was to aim for a state of needing nothing from the interactions with him. I decided I would aim to be in as open and neutral a state as I could be, and to trust that whatever came up during our interaction would be something that helps me.
The closer the first session got, the more naturally I seemed to be able to move towards that state. I had been exploring my need for validation ever since reconnecting with Lujan and his teachings after the launch of Whisperings of the Dragon, and I practiced letting go of the feelings behind this need steadily from the beginning of this year. Not much seemed to change from these efforts, but in the last couple weeks before the session, under the pressure of our approaching interaction, I experienced many things differently, and started to feel confident that I was ready for our meeting. Most of this awareness slid across the edge of my consciousness and it seemed best not to focus on it directly.
The night of our first session arrived, and I kept busy with mundane things up until an hour before hand. For the last hour, I sat by my computer, made sure Skype was properly configured, and practiced the techniques from the First Gate of Dreaming Awake. I felt very cantered and confident that I would meet Lujan needing anything from the meeting, but excited to see what transpired. At the same time, I still knew that I wanted something from the experience, but this knowing remained conceptual with no story forming around it. My Skype rang; I answered.
The three sessions I had are definitely some of the most significant moments of my life. I felt it at the time, and I can still feel it now. What impacted me most when we started talking was Lujan’s speed. I’ve experienced an inner faculty in me aligning to another person as my seeing is engaged and it usually feels like a process that builds up, but as I listened to him introduce himself and the program, I felt what it was like to be on the other side of that experience in a way that was new to me.
Often when I would start to speak, I would only get a few words out, and then Lujan would interrupt me, but I never minded, for he already knew exactly where I was going, and proceeded to speak beyond my own limited relationship to the topic I was bringing up in a way that was helpful. Lujan at other times would seem to be speaking randomly about his own experiences but they were always relevant to significant things inside me. He would speak them in words that matched my own exact expression of those things, and this somehow created a bridge that let me step over and let go of things I’ve known were holding me back, but could never seem to shake off. Irrational fears, stubborn misconceptions, and twisted perspectives melted away during all 3 sessions and I formed new relationships to things that I currently do, and events from my past.
Another thing that really stood out was how real and down to earth Lujan was while he was in the middle of doing extraordinary things. I think for the first time I truly accept that ones kind and gentle side are essential and powerful, and I can feel this help me deal with my own tendencies towards control and aggression.
Lujan’s ability to weave relevant teachings into his own personal stories has really left its impact on me. 3 days have passed since my last session, and there are no free rides. I’ve already experienced since the last meeting the importance of my own efforts to maintain the benefits I got from the sessions. The funny thing is though, the biggest thing I got from these sessions in the end is the thing I let go of needing, and I know now it was still the unformed want that I sensed approaching the sessions.
I think that focusing on being open and receptive prevented my normally covert approach to getting what I think I need from ensuring that I don’t ever get it. I’m at peace with many things that have lingered in me for the last 13 years, and feel confident to pursue what I believe I’m intended to be doing this time around.
I have a lot of work to do still, but with the First Gate at my disposal, each piece of it always seems doable, or not-doable perhaps :) I won’t squander the benefits that interacting with someone like Lujan can bring. Sharing time with Lujan was one of the best investments I’ve ever made, and I won’t hesitate to do so again in the future. Lujan truly serves the needs of others in a way that is powerful and brilliant, and it’s now real to me that being supported is not a sign of weakness.
Thank you Lujan, I really enjoyed meeting you and sharing time with you.