I can’t remember how and when I first heard about Lujan, it’s quite a while ago. I “remembered” him in the late summer of last year after having met a self-proclaimed teacher-guru who in my perception seemed to serve more his own need of being “special” than the needs of those he came into contact with, which somehow triggered my curiosity about Lujan again.
Was HE a “real” teacher?
Would HE be able to truly help me progress beyond where I was stuck with some particular “dilemmas” I’d been unable to resolve for some time?
I decided to read his books and “check him out”…I wasn’t able to understand everything I read, but I felt “truth” in the words and they worked on me in a very subtle way, reminding me of things I’d long forgotten. I’d been initiated on a spiritual path of a shamanic tradition at the age of 21, but when my teacher “disappeared” after a few years and no new teacher arrived, I just went along with living my normal life, focusing on the usual mundane aspects of it like becoming and being a mother, earning a living, building a house, planting some trees :-) And adopting more and more the usual social conventions in the process.
I always knew that at some point I would “pick up the threads” of my spiritual path again, with my daughter grown up and the realization that the social achievements really didn’t mean very much to me at all, may be this was to be the time. So I booked the Transformational Healing Skype sessions with Lujan and waited for what would evolve from that.
Five months passed before at the appointed time Lujan called me on Skype for the first of our three sessions. What struck me first was how I immediately felt completely at ease with him. May be it was because I’d heard his voice in the Cosmic Giggle, in any case, it sounded warmly familiar to me and gave me an immediate sense of security. I felt absolutely safe with him. He told me we’d be working with what’s written in The Whisperings of the Dragon which at first surprised me because I had booked “Transformational Healing” and not Tuition, but after a short time I realized that of course there was no contradiction in that at all.
He told me lots of stories rather than letting me tell him mine, which again caused an initial kind of surprise until I noticed that his stories somehow triggered realizations in me. Still he wouldn’t let me verbalize them as I wanted to. Here I was confronted with my typical mode of self-validation through talking and showing how clever I was. He generalized it for me, saying how clever us Germans were and how convincing! Even when they’re completely wrong! Big laughter and then he said, when you’re out in the jungle being clever won’t save your life faced with a wild jaguar. To him I may just be another “smart Schnitzel”, big laughs again, but the message was very clear.
So we talked about that internal dialogue and how it stops us from being empty enough to truly receive that which presents itself to us. Again, the realizations came as he spoke and I also suddenly realized that my life-long habit of keeping a journal was actually not much more than me talking to myself, passing judgement on situations and people, molding my experience in the shape of my beliefs and convictions.
He pointed out that I was also fixing people and situations that way in a static form and preventing myself from seeing whatever else may emerge from underneath the surface of the original situation. Yes, fixing things down to make them safe. That big old fear of the unknown. The need to control whatever comes my way to make it safe.
The realizations poured over me like a waterfall. I knew instantly that I should stop that habitual way of writing and talking to myself. But I didn’t feel confident to commit to more than a week of “trying” and felt slightly challenged when Lujan said I should commit to not doing that for the rest of my life. I’d been writing since age 12 without ever having missed more than a few days! Surely it would take some time and effort to change an old habit like that! No. Change is easy, said Lujan. And again, I realized as he spoke that I actually agreed with him but had preferred to adopt that socially accepted conviction that change is difficult and we are victims of our habits.
In the following weeks before our second session, a lot of things changed and shifted in me and surprisingly, I found it totally easy not to write and talk to myself in the old ways, not to judge and interpret things, and how liberating that was! I finally had the inner resolve to change my diet and it seemed that years of stagnation suddenly were beginning to dissolve into a new kind of trustful flow. Waiting for the unexpected without waiting.
I re-read “The Whisperings of the Dragon” and noticed that a lot of things that I hadn’t understood at first now seemed perfectly clear. Something very profound seems to have shifted even though I couldn’t really put my finger on it.
About a week after our initial session I had a dream which seemed to address another important topic we had touched upon – my childhood anger at the wrongdoings of my family. Again, Lujan had told me about his childhood rather than letting me elaborate upon my story. I wasn’t sure as we talked whether it was really anger that I felt. I didn’t see myself as angry. The dream clarified that for me in a very powerful way.
In it I came across a man on a horse and as he approached I knew instantly that he was some kind of spiritual master. I was happy to have met him and gladly walked beside him for a while. At some point he told me the reason I was with him was that some sorcerer had manipulated my life energy. I knew immediately who he meant and got very angry at this man for having done that to me. But at the same time I sensed the master’s displeasure about my response and realized that I was actually attaching myself to the wrong-doer with my anger. That I should instead let it pass like a cloud in the sky. Move on.
Miraculously, this seems what happened with the long-held anger against my parents and family. I had often thought I had forgiven them but noticed that I still always cried when the memories arose. Now, suddenly, there were no more tears, no more anger and no more sadness. They had disappeared as effortlessly as the writing-habit. And all of this in just one session! This truly was a transformational healing for me and it filled me with great joy and gratefulness and a very new sense of lightness. As if a heavy cloak I’d been wearing had finally been discarded.
In the following sessions we continued and deepened what had originally been touched. I was beginning to get an idea of how he “does it”, the stories emerge as we talk and they address whatever is relevant at that moment. They are no kind of preconceived teaching-stories, they seem to just emerge for whatever needs to be seen at a given moment. So it slowly dawned on me that this is what being empty is about and I was deeply touched by the beauty of Lujan’s loving emptiness with which he facilitated my realizations. How much more powerful that was than teaching in any kind of instructional intellectual manner!
And at the very end of our last session, after I’d told him about my decision dilemma about wanting to leave the company I work for and becoming self-employed, he pointed out to me by example of another story that had emerged with another student, that he doesn’t in any way preconceive what will evolve in the interaction with a student. It can be as surprising for him as it is for the student! Since the other student didn’t mention it, I will share this story here because there is just so much truth and value in it for all of us I believe. For me, in any case it was a real eye-opener…One could call it a parable, even. Lujan didn’t tell the story in that manner, but this is what I made out of it:
The Parable of the Dog and the Deer
Once upon a time in Bali there was a Dog who was kept on a collar with a line not long enough for him to reach the bowls with food and water. He would howl and weep with frustration and this unhappiness pervaded his whole existence. Every now and then, his keepers would give him just enough food and water so that he didn’t die. Slowly but surely his will to live dwindled away. And just at the moment when he was ready to give up, they would take his blood and perform some kind of ritual that would let them take his life force before he died.
In the Amazonian Rainforest there were a group of Indians who believed that they were only allowed to take an animal’s life if it gave itself to them voluntarily. So they regularly chewed cocoa leaves to give them the strength and stamina to hunt deer for days and nights without interruption, and the deer would run for their lives as long as they could, but after four days and four nights, eventually, they would give up and surrender their lives to the hunters.
We must all die one way or another at some point. This is a fact. But the question to ask ourselves is, do we live like the Dog on the collar or the Deer in the forest before our moment of departure comes?
Thank you, Lujan, for facilitating so many realizations and so much transformational healing through our interaction, not only via Skype it seems… The hint with TCM and the liver for my hay fever also proved very helpful. My hay fever symptoms have almost completely disappeared, this is so wonderful after a lifetime of seasonal suffering!
With much love, appreciation and gratitude,