It takes some guts to go and train with Lujan. You have to have the strength to decide you want to move your life forward and face the unpleasant truth about how you really are, how you might be living a lie telling yourself you’re an OK guy while being anything but. The more you want to protect your defenses the greater the fear.
I’m personally terrified before I meet the Nagual. I been to training several times now. My body takes me there and makes the nice guy go. My body isn’t terrified but the nice guy is.
The stuff I am protecting, the behaviors, it’s all just so much baggage. I am terrified of letting go, being raw, vulnerable, open. However under my skin my body is bored stiff with the defending.
Where’s all that stuff got me?
It’s such a yawn. I just can’t waste what’s left of my time here letting that stuff stop me from finding out who I really am. I want to know. I don’t want to die defending a load of nonsense.
The nonsense goes on and Lujan deftly points it out…..the nice guy now suffers the exposure because the body is just getting better and better. The body feels good and the social being is struggling to maintain its place.
My wife reckons the training is fantastic because I’m definitely a bit less of a bastard every time I come back home. Now I’m only half a bastard, down from the full bastard and going for ‘not such a bad bastard at all.’
In the Golden Lotus training I am now actually starting to be able to really feel my energy move. After the training I feel saturated, right through and that feeling is so good, my body so right up front that the social being is just a little back ground noise.
In fact after one session Lujan remarked that people study meditation for many years to find the kind of silence that we were immersed in at that moment.
It feels good to fight for something worthwhile to have a strong clear heart. Lujan makes it clear that this is essential and all of the teaching and training is delivered with genuine affection. It is a grand endeavor. It is full of light and I love it.