Discovering Gentle Authenticity



It takes some guts to go and train with Lujan. You have to have the strength to decide you want to move your life forward and face the unpleasant truth about how you really are, how you might be living a lie telling yourself you’re an OK guy while being anything but. The more you want to protect your defenses the greater the fear.

I’m personally terrified before I meet the Nagual. I been to training several times now. My body takes me there and makes the nice guy go. My body isn’t terrified but the nice guy is.

The stuff I am protecting, the behaviors, it’s all just so much baggage. I am terrified of letting go, being raw, vulnerable, open. However under my skin my body is bored stiff with the defending.

Where’s all that stuff got me?

It’s such a yawn. I just can’t waste what’s left of my time here letting that stuff stop me from finding out who I really am. I want to know. I don’t want to die defending a load of nonsense.

The nonsense goes on and Lujan deftly points it out…..the nice guy now suffers the exposure because the body is just getting better and better. The body feels good and the social being is struggling to maintain its place.

My wife reckons the training is fantastic because I’m definitely a bit less of a bastard every time I come back home. Now I’m only half a bastard, down from the full bastard and going for ‘not such a bad bastard at all.’

In the Golden Lotus training I am now actually starting to be able to really feel my energy move. After the training I feel saturated, right through and that feeling is so good, my body so right up front that the social being is just a little back ground noise.

In fact after one session Lujan remarked that people study meditation for many years to find the kind of silence that we were immersed in at that moment.

It feels good to fight for something worthwhile to have a strong clear heart. Lujan makes it clear that this is essential and all of the teaching and training is delivered with genuine affection. It is a grand endeavor. It is full of light and I love it.

Geoff Toll

Old footy edit 3


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  1. That’s a crazy picture Geoff. What acting role did you have when that was taken?

    • I was channelling an Australian Rules Footballer circa 1885. I love all those old pictures of them with those handlebar moustaches. I was researching the origins of our football code and have a penchant for dress ups.

  2. Oh, I like this, Geoff. Strength through vulnerability to become “not such a bad bastard at all.” : ) And I love the “tough guy” photo. Thanks for the smile.

    • The photo is a cross between an Australian footballer circa 1885 and old circus character of the same era…..Just before my wife took the picture I tried to look astonished……. always gives a nice result…..I think.

  3. Nice one Geoff.
    Let’s do our best to become a human being one day.

  4. ‘My wife reckons the training is fantastic because I’m definitely a bit less of a bastard every time I come back home. Now I’m only half a bastard, down from the full bastard and going for ‘not such a bad bastard at all.’

    Great to see some humour on the journey! This really tickled me Geoff! Thank you :-))

    • Well my photo is meant to be funny….hope it gives you a smile. I like to laugh and thanks to Lujan I’m not the person I used to be.

  5. The sliding bastard scale… hahahahaha!!! Humor rears it’s truthful head. Your pic… heheheheeeeee

  6. Awesome Testimony Geoff!!
    Your humor and transparent vulnerability are a shining jewel that your homeland desperately needs. Your example is such a huge inspiration for me!
    You’re a very brave man.
    I was honored to train with you last week!

    See you soon for more training!!

    • Tristan we are Golden Lotus bros now. How cool is that? Fantastic week we had training with Lujan and we laughed a lot.

  7. Nice one Geoff. Saying it as it is. “my body takes me”!
    Dig the moustache

  8. All these testimonials are awesome. Taking more and more responsibility and moving on the bastard scale, that scale that has been ignored, blocked out and untouched before… You go, Geoff!
    My wife also likes my new vulnerability. A hunch: Slowly we are turning into butterflies cascading into eternity.
    Hilarious picture!

    • Go Arne! Glad you like the pic. That’s my 9yr old son’s football I’ve got in my hand. Notice how it is really small. yep cascading and spiralling and smiling all the way!

  9. !!! LOL !!!

    Great picture, Geoff.

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