Living Life in Gratitude – Lo Ban Pai


Testimonial – Dragon’s Tears Workshop in the Tibetan Dzogchen Center

Dear Lujan,

Having this lovely opportunity I will tell you maybe more, as I am smiling with all my heart while writing. Since meeting you, nothing is the same anymore. All for the better.

I feel inside my heart that your magical touch has brought an incredible awareness and consciousness and so much love. And not only for me. I am noticing how you grow in my friends, in each one differently, but all beautifully.

The practice has not lost its magic. There are days and days. Days when things just flow or days when the mind interferes, but these are also very important days as my body tells me where I am in that day.

I will be honest in saying that there were days in which I did not practice. Looking back, those were the days when I should have practiced even more. One of my challenges is to bring discipline back into my life.

As I used to be a person which liked control as a way of protecting myself, for a period I had to take out all these old patterns and allow myself to flow. Now I am reintegrating parts easily. I am giving myself time to grow and find my way in this world. I feel it will come so I am waiting without waiting.

The flow, the magnetism, it is so deeply inside of me that I sense this cannot be lost anymore. Makes me feel a part of the unity and I am so much grateful for this.

As I am traveling for a while, my friends and I have been exchanging thoughts via phone. The happiness of having a perfect flow one day, or the tears that keep coming back, or the incredible inner peace or happiness are now part of our personal journeys.

And reaching the emotional strength and the power of my voice, I just had a test the other day in actually expressing my heart. An old part of me came back. I could compare it to a shadow entity and for a while I let it be. What I felt is that it was slowly suffocating myself. After observing I proceeded in following my heart and my inner light came through in seconds.

When it comes to the interactions with others, I try to take myself out and allow the other person to come in, so I can speak the language of the heart. I became more loving and understanding of the world. My perception is clearer and clearer.

I go through my notes from the workshop and discover almost every time new things or the right thing for that moment. I am still listening to your audio-books as I feel you even closer to my heart this way. Looking forward for the new version of The Art of Stalking Parallel Perception when the time is right. The practice is becoming a part of me or I am just reminding of who I am.

So much gratitude… I wanted to tell you almost from the beginning that if you ever find me suited I would love and be honored and grateful to be one of your apprentices or be in any way part of the community you will develop. Probably you felt it in me, but now the actual words came out. I imagine how many people would love to work with you. I am happy to be one of them.

So much love and appreciation for checking in :),

P.S. I am finding my way and not getting lost in yours, although you are such a beautiful example. But I will tell you that after a discussion with one of my friends, she said laughing: “you are a small Lujan”. Thank you for being into my heart and making it brighter than ever before.

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  1. The Art of Stalking Parallel Perception will be out in eBook at the beginning of next week.

    I am organizing teacher training programs. It is a very complex affair. Maybe I will be ready to do this in about five years. It is not totally determined by me. It requires the student to be dedicated to their practice and more than likely it has to be in a center by virtue of the fact that whoever I deem to be worthy as a teacher must have continual contact with me for years.

    • Dear Lujan,
      The teacher trainings sound wonderful to me, and if in five years my path leads me to and allows me to participate and you deem me worthy, I will join immediately!
      (The dutch/indonesian biker)

  2. Kindly thanking you for your reply. As Thomas already beautifully expressed, I also share his view ❤️

  3. Such a beautiful post Carmen. So great to hear written and spoken words straight from the heart.

    This teacher training is exciting to me. It will unfold just right. If I am not a student of it when it comes out I will be a supporter of it.

    Much love.


  4. Thank you Carmen, and through you I felt again Lujan and this always makes me feel closer to my own heart.

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