The Power of Sadness

sadness-power

Lujan I have been having a bit of trouble processing things and wanted to ask you a few questions.

For those who were raised by people with very low levels of awareness, who were absolutely 100% judgment based and apparently void of any potential of heart embrace and never imparted unconditional love, but alternately created a fear based environment of totalitarian control. Personal expression and spirit was punished by total withdrawal for weeks and severe psychological and physical abuse including being whipped with a horse strap from before the age of five, to being told as a very young child that one is Satan, that they deserve to suffer forever, that they are totally hated, being convinced they were a bad person, and the list endures.

This may sound like someone wanting to project blame so as to avoid embracing the unloved aspects of self by identifying with the position of a victim. But honestly the older I grow, I truly realize that if I wasn’t raised by this individual, I would not have all of these issues that I don’t know how to cope with. I do genuinely feel so. I feel like I was systematically destroyed as a human being. I am almost coming upon 30, and i feel like i am just getting more withdrawn which is the opposite of what I thought age would bring me.

But what I am experiencing is that much of my issues as an adult man can be linked to this kind of activity that surrounded me as a child. And honestly I don’t know what to do with all of this. This person was just really very dark and I seemed to really receive the hellfire. Sure there is a part of me who hates, for being so deeply psychologically abused, so I let that come up and accept it. There of course is a part of me who accepts that i was simply with someone who was wounded and thus inflicting the same harm that was done to them, that they were just lost within and allowing there own demons to navigate their life experience. So I sit with and accept that.

But ultimately I don’t ever feel like I am making strides as an adult with such deeply rooted psychological issues that have rendered me an absolute hermit without the ability to connect with other human beings without feeling unbelievably ill at ease. After over a decade of sincere and intense spiritual applications to life, I still cannot hold a conversation with a stranger, nor someone I am familiar with, without having panic attacks. And honestly my loneliness is starting to kill me.

There really is nothing about my life that I want any part of. And any means of rescuing myself from my conundrums isn’t effective. I just keep on keeping on with the same buried issues. I am not self destructive, but I am very painfully sad inside. I genuinely feel that the health issues I have today are the result of my immune system shutting down because of this.

How does one approach issues of this nature in a way that will genuinely impart healing and allow one to again merge with their limitless self, their true identity who they know themselves to be?

Is there anything you can really say to all of this beyond what you have already presented in your bodies of written work?

I could go deeper into the polymorphic tactics. When I was four years old as a basic example, I was taken to go ice skating on a lake in the winter. And I was too afraid to go on the ice because I thought I would fall through. So I was thrown into the car and locked in by myself and aggressively verbally accosted till I was in tears. Then this individual had one of her friends pretend that they were going to take me away forever and that would be the end of me. They opened the door and attempted to commandeer me verbally to get out of the car, and I had never seen this person before in my life. I remember this like it was yesterday. I remember the feelings of abandon and sheer despair and panic being so severe in the moment that it permanently altered something inside of me. I was weeping uncontrollably. When I confronted this individual years ago about it, they told me it was just a joke. Nice for her.

The deranged senselessness it takes someone to do this to an innocent child is incomprehensible to me.

And now as a man who sees, I can see this individual for who they are. As a child I was always made to feel like it was my fault. Well now the sorcery is revealed for what it is. And I feel enraged that I was subjected to this. I get it, but I just simply don’t understand. I was an innocent human being who did nothing in my life to warrant that level of depravity being directed at me. It created vast untold hurdles to collapse and still has a hold on my ability to be who I am.

Of course this is just one example.

I forgive this person and whats done is done. But what bothers me is that I genuinely feel like I am still affected to this day by all of this. If it wasn’t for that I wouldn’t give a shit and would never have a desire to mention anything.

I live with this person and none of her spells can take hold now. But my jaw drops to be witness to all of it. If she doesn’t get her way in any manner even down to the smallest most insignificant details she literally trips into an alter that is veritably demonic in nature. Telling me god is punishing me for being sickly because I am a demon and she fucking hates me. This is because I was too tired one day to help her make her bed. Seriously. lol.

Then I flip back into childhood memories in witness to this happening there and I am fucking god smacked by this nefarious inculcating manipulation. And nothing can really be said as the cup is full.

But going through this as a child is a different story. It really affects you. We all have hardship in life though.

It infuses my quiescence with angst and makes me jittery and wounds me in a manner which feels like a physical attack on my solar plexus and it makes me tear. Even when she isn’t shooting bullets her very presence causes me to become very tense and hinders my natural ease. I freeze up in a sense. And this is the same response that perniciously impinges upon my connectivity with other human beings. So I await this energetic aberration to improve.

I have always known I shouldn’t be anywhere near this individual. I came back because with my health being so vexed I couldn’t work enough to make a living. This was almost five years ago.

I feel like I couldn’t get far enough away. When she goes into these tantrums she will call her friends and lie about me painting a picture that is horribly off target, and her comrades vibrate at her level (most of them) and so fortify her delusions which only makes her feel more justified within her attacks.

But all in good time I will leave. I just need to make sure I am capable of taking care of myself financially which is all tied back into my state of health which I constantly work on keenly.

So I am reading your account now about the fleeing sparrow. And I just came to the point about these malevolent intentions arriving fourth-dimensionally as smoky elements to be seen. I don’t know if there is a connecting relevance here but about a year ago my double manifested in virtually the same manner of which your initial encounter occurred that you described to me. The popping in the throat, the cessation of breath, and the conscious bi-location of awareness. The reason why I am mentioning this, is that when I was perceiving from the vantage point of the double, I was in the kitchen here while my third-dimensional physicality was sat in meditation, and everything I looked at, smoked in wisps that were about 5-10 inches. Everything in my field of vision had this active living anomaly occurring. My physical brain questioned if the house was on fire. Haha.

The interesting fact is that for the next two days I was so detached from this physical reality that I questioned if I was dreaming. The happening infused my being with so much light that declension from identification from anything inside or out naturally occurred. It was a liberation heretofore unknown. The compelling aspect that interests me in relation to your chapter on the orbs, is that all of the items smoking during this encounter, were ornamental treasures atop a counter. This home is filled with garnishments to gratify the senses. And perhaps being witness to them in the way that I was, was releasing the stored intent within these adornments which is to bewitch attention and paint a particular picture which misdirects individuals from seeing the surreptitiously veiled intentions of the one who placed them.

Do you also perceive this visual enigma with the objects in the room smoking Lujan when you emerge as your double?

Or does this relate to the intentions imbued within these items in this particular instance?

The parables tell a beautiful tale. And this message has been at the fore of my consciousness for some time. The fact that we are being totally bled as a species to the point that we are fully absorbed. When I look at all of this I feel far less concerned with my own toil. I hope something can be done to put an end to all of this. It is just so painfully unfortunate and has been going on for so long.

Alex

Everything you have asked in terms of your elucidation is spread through my four books. I know you have the 10th Anniversary Edition of The Art of Stalking Parallel Perception. All of your questions can be answered within this edition as well.

As for the double, everybody sees what they are meant to see, and it is never the same as another person’s experience, apart from viewing the anomaly of the other appearing as you.

I hope that your health gets better so that you can move away from the negativity that is besetting you. It is very important for your body to receive understanding and love when you are ill. You are in between a rock and a hard place at the moment. But I can see as the years have gone by your words elegantly flow and your seeing has become deeper.

To be dealt such adversity for so many years is a burden and a gift simultaneously. For within you will be the person that can be there for others by virtue of the fact that you know what they are going through because no one saw what you have endured.

When this chapter of your life comes upon you, your tears will flow, for only you will be capable of giving to those abused people that you meet, the depths of understanding that is necessary to squelch the fires of their sadness’s. Only you will know how to apply this, for you will see yourself within their burdens.

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12 Comments
  1. Thank you, Alex, for being so open. Your words accurately describe the shadowy behaviour of humans.

    Sadness is a powerful feeling. I have had great sorrow in my life, too. Through Lujan’s elucidations of life’s challenges, I have come to know sadness as something that can only be experienced, not used for self-pity or to get even. Let it be that it humbles the self-importance, but don’t allow sadness to affect your sense of treating yourself well. Don’t adopt the treatment of you by another to be your treatment of yourself.

    I also know what it’s like to be living with someone who is overbearing and has control issues with everything. I actually left there, choosing homelessness over that situation. It was a very intense time, but my situation improved much more quickly than the alternative of staying where I was.

    Allow your sadness to guide you to be kind to others and don’t have expectations of an outcome. Everyone has a little difficulty when it comes to meeting new people and starting new relationships. Allow yourself some wiggle room.

    You’re a beautiful soul.

  2. All my love and compassion to you, Alex.
    And all the energy and courage it takes, to reach out for the light.

    You`re an admirable person.

    Jochen

  3. Although each of us walks alone on our path, we are so infinitely connected.

    Thank you, Alex. The courage to step outside your past experiences and open your arms to something better and new will now ripple within us all, as we too examine our behaviour for that which may cause pain to others.

    Lujan is so spot on about your sadness and past becoming one day a source of strength and healing for another, and deep inner wisdom for yourself. It has happened to me many times. I could not have given the love and support to that other without me having not had those experiences first. Within that very action I found profound healing for myself.

    We cannot judge life for what it brings, nor judge ourselves when placed in situation as children or adults where our hearts are broken.

    I was once shown the human heart as a incredible force that was forged and tempered by this intense hammer and anvil. Although the tempering was fierce at times and involved pain, the heart’s strength and capacity to love beyond this created a glow that filled me with such intensity I will be in awe of it for the rest of my life.

    Lots of love,
    Luma

  4. Luma, such pearls you share here.. thank you for giving voice to what is so difficult to express but felt so deeply amoung and between us.

  5. You are welcome, Julie Ann. This construct is harsh for all of us, yet there is also much light in it too.

    I am traversing through The Art of Stalking Parallel Perception’s new edition and, boy, the struggle within the construct is so very real even years after becoming aware of it. Lucky we have beacons such as this book to help navigate our inner child back to where it belongs. Keep steering the heart back to silence.

    **Hugs to everyone**

  6. Thanks Alex and Others.

    On a different level, a quote expressing the warrior spirit by General Feng Yu-Hsiang:

    “When we fight, we first use bullets, when the bullets are gone we use our bayonets, when they are dull we use the rifle barrel; when this is broken, we use our fists; when our fists are broken we bite”.

    To this I add only “when our teeth are smashed we fight because we choose to”.

    All the best Alex.

  7. Alex, I wish you the best outcome in your current situation. Stay strong and stay heart centered. There are people who will love and support you. I know how all-encompassing health challenges can be. It completely redefines one’s life. I hope you find what you need to overcome the challenges you are facing in this area of your life.

    Best wishes,
    Tod

  8. Alex

    Profound sadness is your door to power.
    Your double dreams awake.
    Rejoice for your cup is filled.
    You may see where you are as trash
    We see the diamond in the rough.
    Your words are the windows where We glimpse your soul.
    Unconditional love is being sent from all

  9. That’s quite the intense account, Alex. Somebody must have spent a minute of beauty with you for that voice of yours to emerge. Your writing is flat out remarkable. My humble suggestion would be to continue following where it takes you. You’ve already made it here. Jerry

    • I too have be treated badly when young and have come across sadness recently within my experience. As with you, it seems to consume my energy. The way you have been treated over a long period of time will create a strong spell. I intuit my spell is not as heavy as yours. Eventually it (mine) will lift but I know from time to time I may be seduced by it. It is vital to catch ourselves early in creating any sad stories in our heads and let them go. (give them their freedom/ regain our power)
      As for the people who treated you bad? What an incredible performance and total waste of energy!!!! They truly have dived deep into the pool of darkness…… their hearts are blind…. they do not see their own ugliness’s.

      Alex I seem to care about you. (tears flow freely)

      Thankyou.

  10. Love you Alex, I dont want to throw any labels but as a fellow sufferer of Post traumatic stress disorder ( from age 11) I resonate with how you feel. Peace be with you brother.

  11. Hi Alex, read your story, see so much strength in you and it almost brought tears to my eyes for my own reasons. Many have shared love with you here and that is the light that will guide you. Through my own experiences, If you want love, be love, if you want peace, be peace, if you want joy, be joy, if you want understanding, be understanding, and so on. Never wait for someone to bring you flowers, grow your own.

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