I wanted to write and share some things I’ve learned and an awesome experience.
When we first talked on Skype (with the online shamanic guidance program) I was very nervous and I acted in the way I thought I should act. I expected you to act a certain way too. You were supposed to act very businesslike and to give me directions and practices to do like a prescription. But you were just you. That really confused me because I don’t know anyone else that is just who they are.
Because you didn’t act the way I expected you to, I was thrown off. I was trying to figure you out but my intellect couldn’t pinpoint a category to put you in so I automatically switched into *Unfamiliar Territory: Do Not Trust* mode. Of course I’d read what others say about meeting and talking to you but true experience is different than words on a page and you never know how you’ll react until you’re in the situation.
How could I trust someone who isn’t playing by the rules?
Someone who isn’t even playing the game?
All I’ve known is the game.
Also, at one point when you were explaining a complex topic, I felt fear in my heart. I didn’t understand what you were telling me. I was afraid because I usually try to be a star pupil who catches on before everyone else and I didn’t want to seem dumb and have you be disappointed in me. Instead of being truthful about this, I pretended that I’d understood so I would seem smart. I didn’t even realize that I had been untrue in this way until days later.
Update: I realized later, with your help, that I had understood the concept– in my heart, and that you don’t have any expectations of me so you couldn’t be disappointed! Lol! It’s amazing to have a teacher that truly teaches by example and because of your example- just being yourself – I have been able to see the stark contrast of the masks I’ve been wearing. It’s so funny that I tried to trick you into thinking I was a star pupil. I’ve been doing that to people for years. Luckily, awareness is the first step to change.
Later in our conversation, your joy and excitement about the new book you had just finished came through and went to my chest. It was infectious. I felt lighthearted and it was great to laugh with you as I felt your true kindness and care. I realized (also later) that much of your teaching comes through the heart. I appreciate your generosity in sending your book to me and I admire your dedication to your practice and your students.
A few nights later I was working on accepting and releasing the body sense and emotions associated with a deep core belief (imprint) that has held me back my whole life. I have been accepting and releasing so many things lately and it has given me a new level of peace so I thought I’d try taking on a big one. Since this belief went so deep, I had a difficult time releasing it and the body sense became painful and my emotions turned intense. I called out to my spirit guides, angels and teachers to help me through the most difficult part and I felt a loving feeling come around me like a warm, little flame and I knew they were with me.
Afterward, I found myself doing the Eight Gates of Dreaming Awake meditation and I was enjoying it immensely. I thought of you and sent you a feeling of gratitude for making this meditation available. Immediately, I felt a warm, cheerful blaze of love and kindness come back to me in reply! It was unmistakably tangible. So warm, so loving. I laughed so hard and cried tears of joy that got my whole face and pillow wet because I was so grateful. This experience was beautiful. I want to be able to give that feeling of love to the people I interact with in my life.
With every worthwhile thing I’ve learned, I was clumsy in the beginning but I caught on and became proficient and sometimes really good at over time. Learning to live with a pure heart is no different and I am exited to be on this path now and to have you as a teacher. I’m also looking forward to learning the Dragon’s Tears practice.
Thank you so much for all you do.