It’s true that Lujan is powerful and subtle, and by turns grave and very funny. I didn’t expect so much tenderness in his being – it was almost unbearable for me to be so unmasked and at the same time accepted. I have never wanted more to crawl into a hole and disappear. Nowhere to go but to face the black beast in myself I was seeing.
Changes in my life have been both concrete and subtle. The Lo Ban Pai unfolds in its own mysterious way. It meets me where I am it seems – on the new moon it was dark and powerful, and this morning it seemed to clear out my liver and help release an old and terrible grief episode. During the final sequences my body told me it expected steamed apple for breakfast.
I also laughed out loud at one point, today: I thought I heard Lujan encouraging me to be serious but not so serious. Reverence for the practice is nevertheless everything, it seems, if progress is to occur.
I’ve started following an Ayurvedic diet to suit my body type, and eating fruit and veg only, till lunchtime. More exercise, a cleaner house, and more care in social situations. Seeking less validation from others, and giving it less. Writing my own songs and singing them. Following the red line of my own life, even when the reorienting feels excruciating.
How good it is to trust myself. I’m just at the beginning, and I feel like I finally have the rudder in my own life.
with lots of love and thanks from Marianne