I shared with Lujan about feeling sad about the disconnect and lack of real communication with my husband’s family over Thanksgiving holiday. Everyone was either on some electronic device or watching TV, or both. Of course I had the judgement that they shouldn’t be doing this and we would enjoy each other much more if we actually talked to one another.
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t believe it was my place, or I didn’t have the right. Really, I wasn’t in my power but in another time. So, I chose to watch myself, observe and stay open to the pain I felt in my heart.
Lujan was very excited when I shared this with him. Using it as a teaching moment (Buddha with the hammer practice) he suggested I could have spoken what was in my heart, what I was feeling. By speaking to the circumstance I would be speaking to the hearts of the others. I didn’t realize the pain I felt was their unspoken pain.
This was a major epiphany for me, MAJOR! In my family of origin I was a mute (not really, I could talk, I just didn’t). I felt so much from everyone and when I spoke about it as a child I was ridiculed, told to shut up and ignored. I couldn’t trust my inner voice.
Thank you Lujan. I needed to hear it’s o.k. to speak to the truth of what I see. Something unlocked in me, and a bird flew free. I instantly felt lighter, freer.
May I have your help and perspective Lujan? I have been told I am too blunt, too direct in my communication. I don’t intend to hurt people’s feelings, and maybe I’m not, just their self-importance.
The other day I spoke to a circumstance around a friend who has epic battles between her conditioning and her innocence. Which of course causes her much grief and unhappiness.
She is now avoiding me. My self-importance has flared up because it reminds me of the ignoring I received as a child. Two other situations have come up where I feel ignored (these 2 are not from speaking any truth that arose).
Self-importance is doing it’s best to take me down the rabbit hole. Another part of me, like in the Art of War story, asks “where do you reside?”.
I desire to communicate cleanly, directly and with compassion. Why then is it not received as so? Does the program interfere?
Of course the social program within its limited diversity interferes with the progression of open truth. Within that restriction, find your kindness and compassion. Temper your voice.
Remember that those you speak to are truly a reflection of yourself.
True communication in terms of communion is to realize that the other person enters you and upon your empty fortitude you speak their truth. But if you are still there when they enter then you will rush out as if a hermit’s house has been defiled by a noisy passer-by.
Within that complaint you may realize that true recapitulation is to accommodate the arising moment. And if you are not there to be kicked out of your house – or your internal self – then you know you have truly achieved something.
With open arms we embrace that which we cannot avoid, quietly watching, tentatively listening to the other person’s arrival, and from within feeling only their presence through the echo of your own voice.