A little history:
When my mind’s neurotic idea of how I should live in society stretched to an extreme in opposition to the truth my body and heart knew, I broke. This was caused ultimately by choosing to end a bad relationship. My ex boyfriend was domineering and harsh and when the pain of this treatment became worse than my fear of being alone, something changed in me and I finally stood up for myself, said what I really thought and was done with it. Through facing my fear and speaking my truth, something changed in me and I “woke up”. I had previously shut out spirituality and beliefs that didn’t have a basis in mainstream science, but now, I couldn’t live they way I had any longer and a new world of possibilities opened up.
I started meditating and reading lots of books on healing and spirituality. I decided to look into shamanism and stumbled on to Lujan’s book Shadows in the Twilight on Audible. I then bought The Art of Stalking Parallel Perception and was deeply moved by the teachings of integrity and building personal power. I felt my own integrity was lacking so this resonated strongly with me. I read all of Lujan’s books multiple times and then signed up for Skype sessions and for the Dragon’s Tears workshop.
Dragon’s Tears experience:
I’m very lucky to have met Miya, my now dear friend and training partner for the workshop. As we got to know each other, we laughed at how perfectly our strengths and weaknesses paired together to create support for each other as we went through the weeks. The situation could not have been planned better.
I was able to see how dedicated and heartfelt a teacher Lujan was in this situation as well since he had two very different people to work with as he exposed our programs. He tailored his approach with each of us and we ended up having many beautiful communion experiences.
Lujan told us that our greatest weaknesses were actually our strengths and I had a profound and life-changing experience around this. My greatest weakness is my loneliness. (Lujan identified this immediately.) I have always felt very alone and abandoned in spite of the fact that I have a loving and supportive family and friends. This has been a key issue my whole life. My family always said that I’m not alone but I couldn’t feel any truth in that so I thought that there must be something wrong with me.
Lujan explained that my heart has been right this whole time. It IS lonely here. My heart has been looking for communion with people who speak truth from their hearts but with our societal programs this type of communication is a very rare occurrence. Instead of my sensitivity to human connection (and the lack of integrity in it) being the source of my pain, it has now become my salvation. There is nothing wrong with me. I CAN trust my heart.
Now that I know how painful the lack of connection is for humans, I can be the one who offers kindness and compassion to others. I can be the one who offers a true connection! My heart opened so wide at this realization that rivers of tears and joyful laughter ensued. I’d never felt such peace before this moment. This realization happened at a mental level but the truth of this went through each individual cell and changed my body too. It has changed how I relate to strangers and friends and co-workers.
There were some very difficult times as well. Being faced with my programs of covert violence and high-brow superiority was a traumatic shock as I realized how these ways of acting have damaged my relationships and my own self deeply. Lujan wouldn’t let me cry about it though. It’s another program to go to a state of “poor me”. He said, “Just stop. And don’t feel guilty.”
At one point I was in a state of not trusting anything that came out of my mouth or any of my thoughts because everything I said or did was a manipulative program. I was so shocked, scared and sad. All my grief and fear rose up to choke me. As I was in this state, Lujan began telling us a story about a very difficult time when he was severely wronged but he kept absolute integrity about the situation. As I listened to his story, the meaning of his words sunk in and I had a realization of how deep and pure his integrity really is. At this, something big started to change in my chest. Lujan finished his story at that moment and asked me. “So what do you think?”
I was overcome with so many feelings and an intense body sensation. My chest then became so full of LOVE that I couldn’t contain it and the feeling exploded. I blurted out, “I THINK YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL!” and burst into tears. I crunched into a ball, crying, and my breathing became a very strange gasping breath. Miya went to hug me but Lujan told her not to touch me because my central channel was opening. He told me to relax and let the emotions go and I did. I was really out of it for a while after that. I had a hard time following conversations and everything I did became slower. I felt very peaceful. Lujan told me that the beauty I perceived in him was a reflection of me. We are all so insanely beautiful and pure. I hope we all realize it soon.
Intermixed with all of these experiences, Lujan taught us the Dragon’s Tears form. It has such exquisite and graceful gestures. Miya and I got together every morning to practice and memorize it and then Lujan would refine it for us. He added a few things into it too, moves that our bodies needed specifically. I do the form every morning and it has a profound effect on my life.
This experience with Lujan has changed my life. Some changes were huge and pivotal and some changes I am just noticing as I suddenly react a different way to an old situation and so many lovely new possibilities open.
I am so grateful for Lujan and his dedicated purpose to fight the hard fight. My chest feels like it’s going to explode again when I realize the depth of this feeling. He’s an absolutely beautiful example of what a human can be.