This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Ryan Soma. If you would like to offer your support for Ryan please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
It was January 2016 when I came across the original Art of Stalking Parallel Perception. It caught my eye at a friends house in her thick personal library, but at first I wasn’t compelled to read it. The last few years I have mostly given up reading new material and have been trying to work with my inner guidance to the best of my ability. I attended a 10 day silent meditation retreat, and upon my return, this book was calling me to read it.
Immediately I was brought back into the world of sorcery with a whole new approach. I am familiar with the work of Carlos Castaneda, but have never fully connected with what was presented. After only a few chapters of reading Lujan’s work, I couldn’t stop reading this book. I couldn’t stop talking about it to my immediate friends. Of course I had come across this book at the most appropriate time! When I finished reading it, I was hungry to know who this man was, and I began to search him out.
I haven’t gone through all of his works yet, but I am still learning so much every day from what Lujan has presented. I can see more clearly that I still need to develop my inner silence and integrity to step into my personal power. He has emphasized many things I already know within myself, such as the power to not gossip, and the ability to speak clearly from the heart is very important. These are qualities I inspire to cultivate.
However my biggest awakenings and deepest experiences have all sprung from connecting to my sexual energy. My heart has opened so wide, so many times, only to close shortly after because of the impressions I still carry. This has often left me with more questions then answers, but one thing I knew was for sure. I have lacked the foundation necessary to stay within my own heart. Lujan’s emphasis on integrity being the foundation to staying within the heart space speaks volumes to me, and his dedicated writings on sexual attention has given me more to chew on then I can process at this moment. While I feel that I’m more closely in alignment with the acts of my life, it is now boiling down for me to become conscious of my very intentions and the thoughts which precede my acts.
I was really amazed at the personal story Lujan had chose to share in his book, which was helping a group of friends to expose the shadow working through one of them, mostly via sexual energy. This story reflected so much that I’ve needed to see within my life, that I’ve been completely floored ever since reading it. The subtleties of manipulation that take place socially is something I never placed much attention to, but it is absolutely huge.
This stirred something deep within me, and memories have began to flood my meditations. I’ve began to recapitulate many past situations where I have given my power away. I realize I have had so much social conditioning around my sexual energy, and so much doubt in my inner guidance that i have abandon my inner self many times. This has resulted in much need for healing, as there have been quite a few times where I lacked integrity as a result of closing my heart and not listening to myself.
Socially, I’ve never had the power to stand up to friends, family, or my partners when I feel betrayed. People have led me to believe that I am possessive, or that I am insecure, or that my values are not valid. But I am starting to see that there is nothing wrong with the way i feel, and that my inner self knows what it means to have integrity within my personal relationships, and what it means to respect other peoples relationships.
I still have some attachment here. I’m not always strong enough to go through impressions without indulging in past thoughts or feelings. But I continue to work diligently. Lujan’s work has given me something I never quite had before. His words have spoke to me on a personal level, and have given me faith to trust what my inner guidance is showing me. Even though I have spent years working in this area of my life, I feel as though my path is only beginning :)
I honestly cannot say why I want to learn Lo Ban Pai, but I can also say that it is simple. In my heart, I can feel there is something here for me, and I have complete faith in Lujan. Needless to say, I am very intrigued! I have never been pulled so intensely to meet someone, as no other author has been able to meet me in this way. I just want to look to Lujan and say thank you….thank you for reminding me of who I am.
Thanks for reading,