Death Has a Way of Waking You Up To Life

lujan-matus-life-teachingsThis application for the  Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Peter. If you would like to offer your support for Peter please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

I was nineteen years old when I died. It was painless, quick and, well, as you can gather, not permanent. Yet it changed the course of my life forever. Although I am breathing and seeing, hearing and feeling, I have been seeking ways to come back to Life ever since.

Now, at the age of 46, I can again sense the tendrils of my original being reaching out. Thanks to the work I have done myself, a never-ending fight, and a deep, yet veiled love of this universe, I am fortunate enough to recognise those tendrils for what they are: a homing beacon. The knowledge that Lujan Matus so elegantly portrays is helping me to locate the call. I am grateful and with his words continue to unveil the source of my heartstrings.

Death is an unsettling gift

Death is unsettling, especially if your Essence gets jumbled in the process. I was foolish for many, many years after. Smoking pot, drinking far, far too much, and generally being entirely oblivious to my surroundings. And not caring that it was so. Now sober, I have come to terms with the lost time. I realise it was not so much hiding – I wouldn’t have had the energy or gumption to do so – as drifting through life unaware of where I was. When high, of course, but also when sober. I lost track on so very many levels in the haze. Yet here’s the conundrum. I did not. Despite being entirely lost, one’s inner light continues to shine. In this echolocation for the heart, death is also an unfathomable gift.


In this, books have always been my radar. Looking at my bookcase now makes me smile. ‘The Golden Bough’, ‘Healing the Child Within’, ‘The White Goddess’. NLP, enneagram, yoga, tao. Blavatsky, Jung, Monroe, Moore, Nietzsche, Osho, Plato and many more. It makes me smile for the conundrum is, in fact, no conundrum. The One thread is always there. I suspect strongly everyone has but one drive, be it conscious or not: to heal and placate the Longing. Some rebel, others crumble, some do both. Yet others revel on their Path to understand why the feeling of astonishing Beauty, scorching Purity and elemental Truth for which everyone pines in their heart of hearts is seemingly no longer within reach. All authors across all eras are talking about this reclamation of what we know to be True, yet is so very hard to find around us.

The Shadow is strong.

Ever-declining circles

Personally, I feel as if I was unwillingly yet am now willingly caught in a maelstrom that is increasingly powerful as I strive to reach the eye and release. Following the gentle eddies breached originally with theosophy, through the rougher waters of the more enlightened religious perspectives and our sixties shaman, I was somewhat awestruck to discover that Lujan has truly crafted what in this analogy are the aquatic equivalent of seven-league boots.

His words are not for the feint-hearted. For them to not seem like a lost Tolkienesque story, there must be some form of anchor – perhaps an experience, vision or moment of lucidity that can serve as a point of reflection on which to attach their significance. They are not a self-confirming lifeline back to the comforting shores of the socialised tonal. But for those willing to take on the challenge, they are a direct route with giant steps into the essence and potential resolution of your Mystery.

Key learnings so far…

Lujan’s use of language is no walk in the park and I first found myself struggling to unravel the linguistics to get to the meaning. Yet then you realise the complexity is necessary to detail the depth of insight. Of all the authors I have read, his words come closer than any other to an analogue description of what must inevitably be a digital representation of an essentially indescribable topic.

Trust your own journey. Let go. There are other writings that in some areas do not ring entirely true, especially in dreaming. You are your own Power.

It gets harder before it gets easier. The fight against the Shadow is ongoing, unerringly subtle and the Shadow will fight to retain your energy. Be constantly vigilant, strong, and true to your heart. Yet while the Shadow is wily beyond words, it has a kink in its armour. It feeds on Untruth. Live true to your heart and you will defeat it.

The key lies in internal silence, and we See with all our senses.

You can help the world and those around you by parrying and retreating in line with your true heart path. This is altogether not a selfish path, albeit sometimes lonely.
Waiting without waiting. This is a beautifully frustrating challenge.

Thank you Lujan.

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  1. “Waiting without waiting. This is a beautifully frustrating challenge” This made me laugh :) it is always nice to read someones writing, where they are seeing both sides of the coin. Thank you for sharing

  2. Your long path has gifted you with wonderful fruits. And I have tasted these fruits you so generously shared. Thank-you!

  3. I found myself smiling with you as I look at my own bookshelf and understanding the difference between book knowledge and experiential knowledge. I also resonated with your experience o the complexities of the language used Lujan’s books (and I consider myself a decent linguist). Sometimes I’m in the zone and others I have to read, re-read and ponder over. I used to say that the joy a person experiences can only be measured In relation to the depths of sorrow they’ve experienced which I see expressed geometrically – opposite angles are equal. I’m so happy for you that you found your way back from addiction. That brings hope for multitudes suffering with addictions and the lunacy of the falsities we live with every day. In finding your way, you show the way to others. I hope you have the opportunity to learn and grow through your life and death experiences, guided by Lujan’s loving wisdom.

  4. Thank you for this essay and good luck!

  5. Best of luck to you, Peter.

  6. Beautifully written and deeply engaging. I especially enjoyed the image of Lujan striding through the sea of awareness in his seven-league boots! (Or at least that’s what I saw ; )

    “Be constantly vigilant, strong, and true to your heart.” Yes, yes, yes.

    You drew me back into the Blue Book and I found this quote, only one of many, “It is important that we cultivate our inner silence to such a degree that it pushes a perimeter of power around us that allows the inner self to witness the engagement of activity and not be fully engulfed by it, but to be enhanced by that which cannot be avoided.” Oh, and this too: “Fight for your life, fight for your existence, fight for your truth, but be invisible. Touch the world with emptiness….” (Parallel Perception, c 2005, p299-300)

    Thank you, Peter, best of luck to you, and stay true.

  7. Thanks everyone for your kind comments. I’ll definitely check out the references… Isn’t it all exciting!

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