This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Edward Bassingthwaighte. If you would like to offer your support for Edward please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know why I’m doing it. In those precious moments when I’m actually embedded in a self-reflective silence, this is my experience. I am a twig, swept spiraling along the flooding streams of this multidimensional, fractal river of life, exactly where I need to be, and naturally serving the circumstance I find myself within. I say things that surprise myself, deep to the bones. How did I know what to say?
I didn’t… Because as soon as I think that I know what to say, or what to do, I’m lost to myself, lost to the situation, lost to the subtle grace of eternity.
These are still rare moments, yet I can see that they are getting stronger, more enduring, and happen more often. Most of the time, I’m catching myself thinking – and then I’m lost to the truth of this ineffable moment, flailing about, entangled in my self-importance, and enmeshed in the social milieu.
Since meeting Lujan Matus (firstly through the impact of his writings, and then in person to learn the Golden Lotus series last year), my life has been turned upside down in the most amazing ways. I can see so much more of the unhealthy social dances that humanity indulges in, and I’m slowly getting better at meeting this in integrity, sometimes even with a small measure of grace.
I’ve had some utterly inexplicable and wonderful experiences while practicing Lo Ban Pai that have left me completely disrupted from my continuum, standing there with a happy grin of disbelief on my face. I’ve been left wondering “How on earth?” as these experiences of multidimensionality are so far outside what used to be my reality. I’m not going to speak directly of these experiences, not until next I’m face to face with Lujan, in private, not to anyone, not even to my wife, my beloved. These wonders are too precious to be lost to an unhealthy need for social validation.
I don’t need to ‘win’ this scholarship to learn the golden lotus series to a deeper level. I don’t even have any desire to do so. I know that any time I wish to have my life positively impacted with the magnetic force of Lujan’s teachings, all I need to do is to support a state of primal awareness as best I am able, and to pick up and read one of his books. Every time I do, I can feel the force of Lujan’s magnetism, I am a different person afterwards. It is palpable. I know that if I was never to meet Lujan in the flesh again in this life, then that’s ok too. Life will take me where it leads me, and that is where I will need to be!
At the same time, I know that to spend any time with Lujan in person is a precious gift, and will impact my life beneficially in so many ways that I simply can’t comprehend. I’d welcome the opportunity to run smack-bang head-first into my self-importance and social self again, no matter how uncomfortable that may be.
Lujan will see clearly who is the one who best serves the circumstances by ‘winning’ this scholarship. So here I am, writing an application that isn’t an application, supporting a state of self-reflective inner silence as best I’m able – noticing when that bicycle wobbles, then doing my best to regain my balance by returning to anchoring my gaze 98% within, and my auditory sense 100% outwardly, listening intently to that which cannot be perceived.
Often I fall off this bicycle altogether, and I’m lost long before I realize it, lost in my self-importance, hopelessly entangled in the social milieu, leading myself and everyone around me hopelessly astray. All there is to do then is to notice this, and refocus my primal awareness as best I am able to by returning to an inwardly directed gaze and the most precious gift I have found in all of Lujan’s teachings, my silent breath. This moment is all we ever have, even though we can never really catch it. This life! Such a mystery, a wonder beyond words…
Dr Edward Bassingthwaighte BVSc (honsII), The Healing Vet.