This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Oana Codescu. If you would like to offer your support for Oana please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
What did Lujan brought into my life… I have given this question a lot of time, thinking that he brought so much that I would never be able to put it on paper. So I have made schemes, resumes of his books, put thoughts on paper, trying to grasp the essence of the essence of the essence, in order to be crystal clear in my communication and to convey my message to you, guys. But… something didn’t quite work in my approach.
Fast forward to today: I was doing the spring cleanup in my house – actually the first real cleanup that I do in my life. I am a totally lazy and messy person, who doesn’t like to clean, tidy or put things in order, but 3 days ago this phase of my life finished. I have decided, with all of my being, that time for a change has come. So I gathered all of my clothes, shoes and books in big piles in my living room. More than 2/3 of them went to a local NGO, so my physical world became lighter and lighter.
This is the context of this morning, while I was lovingly dusting one of my bookshelves with coconut oil, in order to prepare it for the arrival of my remaining books, the ones that I really love and appreciate. When… it hit me! It finally hit me! My head was so full of ideas, concepts, links, puzzles, information, Lujan’s words (his audiobooks are present almost daily in my life), but I was missing the one thing that actually matters: action! I wasn’t putting anything into practice! Lujan didn’t teach me anything of what I was trying to write (no wonder the words didn’t come out!). He didn’t teach me anything of what I thought he did. But I was too proud too see it. I considered myself smarter, better and more knowledgeable than a lot of people because I was able to understand his writings and, not only that, but everything he was saying made sense to me. All of that made me consider myself smarter, but today I realised I was graciously fooling myself. I was so full of myself that I couldn’t actually let him enter.
In reality, Lujan turned my world upside down. He lighted the spark that would change my persona to the very core. Actually… would dissolve my social self and the image that I have about myself. The spark that would finally grow so big that would dissolve the thick walls of my protective barriers. Because of Lujan’s teachings, I am now beginning to see myself.
He came into my life a few years ago, in the form of his books and last year in the form of the kind and loving teacher, who shared the Dragon’s Tears movements with us. Of course… I was so immersed in my dream and social drama, that I didn’t really appreciate the treasure he was sharing with us. I also thought that the movements would stay with me until I will be able to restart practicing them (even if he told us that, if we don’t appreciate, welcome and practice them, the gifts would disappear). Who do you think listened? Definitely not me! I knew better.
So now, when I felt ready to start the practice again, I realised that I have nothing to practice. And that was one of the biggest blows given to my ego. Today, while dusting my bookshelf, I realised what he brought into my life: myself. He shattered my glass walls into pieces, by gently igniting that flame which would eventually become so great to create an inner explosion.
Thank you Lujan, for letting me learn my lessons in my own rhythm, in my own time, even if that meant losing the gift you gave me, the Dragon’s Tears movements. They weren’t meant to be kept by my social self, now I see it and now I am ready. This is the first step of the rest of my life.
With love and gratitude,