My Heart Desires Change


This application for the  Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Tyson. If you would like to offer your support for Tyson please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

This application has its groundings in growth. I know this may be confronting at times and a part of me is scared to take up tuition with Lujan for this reason. But I see the scary as my old self not wanting to be the change my heart desires. And since my heart desires, I move on with this application.

One teaching of Lujan’s that has been a gem for me ever since I came across it – is the 8 gates of dreaming awake meditation. Its like a reset button for my body and mind.

The emphasis Lujan puts on body consciousnesses over mind consciousnesses, is something I don’t take for granted.

Our minds can see only a limited perception of a situation but to me the body can feel the situation, and this overlay feeds the heart or silent mind with wisdom. For example when someone who is angry approaches, I feel it in my body as first an uncomfortable feeling but the sensations soon opens up into a fast paced erratic vibration that suffocates the heart area in my body, as it picks up the feelings contained within the one who is angry. And certain organs in my body feel a certain stress on them. My heart beats hard and fast, my body starts tingling and I feel I’m floating away on this wave of anger.

The reasons for my application are to simply pull the thread and see what unravels. and what ever may be on the other side I want to face it. No I need to face it.

I don’t want to take the opportunity of someone else who has applied for the scholarship program because my self importance tells me I’m not worth it. I’ve been conditioned to feel this way about myself by my family.

A lot of social expectations have been weighing heavily upon my shoulders and I’ve probably twisted and contorted to meet these unspoken expectations of myself. I’ve felt just how heavy carrying these unwholesome expectations can be for me, bringing me to one knee.

Sometimes even taking my creative expression and strangling it, with the expectation that my creativeness needs to be making money and a lot of it. This takes what I love to do and beats it with a guilty and ashamed stick for not having met these expectations.

I personally feel like the guidance Lujan can provide is something I need. I have learnt a lot through his books. I feel a more personalize approach would be extremely beneficial for me. These are my reasons for wanting to take up tuition with Lujan Matus.

PS. I enjoyed all of the applications put forth so far. I can only hope that someone gets to learn from Lujan through a more direct experience and since this is the plan, I’m quite happy already.

Thank-you for your consideration.

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  1. All in due time, Ty.

  2. Like you said: “I’ve enjoyed all of the applications put forth so far.”
    Each one has his/her own unique path. Good luck Tyson. I resonate with what you’re writing.

  3. Tyson: Never stop dreaming, fill the thoughts of it with love and joy. All dreams of the heart unfold in a way not expected at the perfect moment.

  4. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled.” (Matthew 5:6) Dear Tyson, This scripture came to mind while feeling your sincerity and longing. May you meet Lujan soon, face-to-face, heart-to-heart.

  5. Thank-you Ellie for the scripture, and to everyone for the sincere words.

  6. All the Best T. Heart strings transcend distance and seperation.

    • Great insights into heart threads (Star Light)

  7. good luck brother :)

  8. Hi, Tyson. I love your honesty, courage and perseverance. I always have. True that about the Matthew 5:6. I know that’s my prayer for you.

    • Jerry lee those words have truly touched me very delicately and lovingly.
      I have always felt a deep connection to your writings – Wishing you a loving feeling of fulfillment in your journeys.

  9. Here’s to facing what unravels when we pull and get pulled. Good luck to you Tyson, you have my vote. :)

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