This application for the Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Michael Kallina. If you would like to offer your support for Michael please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
I met Lujan the first time in 2011. At that time I already had gone quite a long way from where and in what circumstance I was born, so I was quite self-confident when I meet him. At least that’s what I thought I was.
In the reality that showed up through his help, I had to admit to myself, and at that time for me even worse, to others, that I was still full with anger, angry thoughts, comparison, cunningness and manipulation, hate for myself and others.
And Lujan helped me to reveal all those masks. It was very strange: I did not like what I saw,
I found that little hurt, selfish and lonely boy and an angry, manipulative man. I was so happy that I could let go of that burden.
Since then his presence is with me. His understanding of integrity. A concept and feeling that was foreign to me before. In a way his presence is still like a falling star in me. A little bit like the star, the kings oriented towards, when they were looking for the Jesus Baby.
His Presence helps me to hold my spirit up, to continue to commit to my self-growth and integrity, especially in times, when I am tempted to lie to myself and others again, in order to get something, that I would not get openly.
I learned the Windlock system and Dragon’s Tears. And I am still on. The Windlock system helped me regaining my physical strength, I even had to throw away most of my shirts as my shoulders got broader and my arms in a way got longer. Doing it feels like taking a long bath, a long shower. I move emotional and physical tensions out of my body, my arteries, bones and heart and diaphragm. Now, I am much more grounded then I was before I met Lujan.
Even so I still struggle at times with tensions in my throat, chest and lungs. Still being afraid to open my heart totally to the world. Lujan always said that this is also only a mindset, that opening up takes time, and in a way I know that, but I have not yet found how the courage to make it happen or better: to allow myself to be soft.
I still see and feel Lujan’s movements of grace inside myself and I try to enter this magnetic space, of beauty, of grace. Which is a space of respect and true tantra-like, full hearted appreciation of the space that is around me. Every second. No backing, no hiding.
And there is one other thing. I love to look at the pictures that he and Mizpah put out on their website. They talk to me without words and I carry their resonance in my heart and in my spirit and I know, that’s where I go. Cutting through my self-pity and self-importance, letting go of my need to control.
I am looking forward to meet Lujan again. Because he is an unbendable warrior and mirror. Then I will know if everything that I have written here, the story that I tell myself now, is true.