Searching for the Cosmic Giggle


This application for the  Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Vincent Giotis. If you would like to offer your support for Vincent  please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

Dear readers,

I stumbled upon Lujan Matus some months ago while watching The Cosmic Giggle. The calmness and serenity in his voice caused a kind of relief within me instantly. The way he spoke revealed to me that there is a fundamental and true existing reality, which had a reassuring effect on me while listening to what he was saying. And then there was his laughter…. unreservedly, spontaneous and so joyous… it was an outburst of a Cosmic Giggle. His laughter made me crack up with laughter myself.

His embodiment captivated me right away and made me search for him on the internet. In that way I came across and started watching videos and reading blogs. As I am watching and listening to videos and reading blogs I get to smile spontaneously when people speak about Lujan.

I don’t know exactly why but it seems that it has something to do with a subconscious recognition within myself as I feel my heart area opening up significantly. After a few moments of smiling I feel emotions whelming up and tears filling my eyes.

I am certain that I want to undertake tuition with Lujan and that it would be beneficial for my well-being. I know Lujan is for real. What I am less certain about is if this is not another flee to redemption as I recently painfully realized about myself that undergoing the dozens of alternative therapies for more than a decade and conducting myself to spiritual exercises, meditation and book reading, were to a considerable degree an escape and a defense mechanism as I was not capable dealing with the here and the now in daily life.

I came to realization that I was on a desperate search in a convulsive manner for a long period of time. But I don’t know what else to do. Honestly, stop searching frightens me. While I am writing these words and in the meanwhile imagine what it would be like when I stopped searching, I suddenly feel a presence or reality arising leaning firmly against me which I can’t put into words…. I burst into tears.

It scares the living daylights out of me. I feel overwhelmed by it and a feeling of tremendous loneliness emerges. I feel lost… do not know where to turn to. Initially I wanted to write more but I feel every attempt to put more words here comes only from my scripted mind… while my body remains in silence.

Thank you for reading and thank you to all applicants for sharing.

The Netherlands

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  1. I Love the raw essence of your vulnerability.

  2. Hi Vincent, you are on your wondrous unique path and everything that has happened or will happen, you will come to know its benefit in your life’s journey. Like a tree, all last year’s growth has to fall before new growth can emerge in the spring (rebirth).

  3. Searching for a path back home. Good luck to you, Vincent.

  4. “What I am less certain about is if this is not another flee to redemption?

    Dear Vincent, your words are so heartfelt, reading it I recognized something similar in myself. Being worried about my intention for wanting to learn from Lujan. Before i met Lujan I would think things like “is it just to justify all my aches and pains” and then feel almost guilty for wanting clarity about certain issues in my life”

    As i recall this about myself, remember that coming here and speaking your heart is like talking to your higher self, and the mere fact that the thought of stopping this journey causes pain, is because it is essential to your being.
    Think of all your hard work and dedication as a mother with a baby that gives her everything to the child; sleepless nights bountiful tasks to ensure survival and love supported by primal energy.
    I would say, the mother has to express that primal almost supernatural support and mothering and she has every right if she does it in the best way she knows, with integrity.
    Imagine someone telling the mother a simple lie like, she musn’t give too much energy and attention to the child otherwise the child wouldn’t grow up independent.
    Imagine what would happen if the mother would abstain from mothering in fear of making a mistake or fear of neglecting her reality away from the baby.
    Even though you are talking to this forum and Lujan, remember that you are nurturing yourself teaching yourself and learning how to be the best teacher to yourself. You are beautiful. The here and now are these spiritual practices, meditating writing this blog etc – you deserve it all. All the attention and dedication that you have energy for. So much love, thank you for being a wonderful mirror to myself.

  5. Dear Vincent,

    all i can say and share is, is that your words touched my heart, i could feel your loneliness and the fear and the joy and wisdom behind it.
    So maybe thats a sign that you are on the right track…

    lets move on:)


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