So here I am, a human being, and yet I have very little, if any, experience in being fully human. It has taken me quite awhile to realize this. Then it has taken me even longer to realize that I am the one responsible. Now, I am beginning to see how meaningful life can be when I stop trying to make it mean something.
Lujan has been the most significant influencer in helping me to begin to see that there really is only one very narrow path to walk in this life, yet as long as I hold to the truth of what this very narrow path really is it becomes infinitely wide, thus making any idea of straying from the path impossible.
My journey with Lujan started two years ago with Shadows in the Twilight, which led me to Whisperings of the Dragon, then to Stalking the Art of Parallel Perception. These books are precious to me. The words in these books call onto that within me that is real and true and every time I reread any one of them it is like sinking a bit deeper into a perfectly and blissfully temperatured bubble bath.
The power of these books for me lie in their practicality. I have my fair share of books that go on and on about how beautiful life really is and though they make me feel nice while reading them, when I’m done I am left with a nagging question of “So now what?”
Lujan’s books don’t leave me this way, rather they answer the question and inspire me to live more integrally. These books don’t inspire me to try to “get more from life” nor do they inspire me to try to be “the biggest and the best,” rather they inspire me to quietly gaze upon my circumstances with my heart. Instead of urging me to move forward, they inspire me to be still. Instead of causing me to cry for more, they contentify me by showing me the infinite beauty that lies in less and less and less.
With that being said, after reading his books, I was definitely wanting more experience with this man Lujan. Funny how the road to less and less can wind through the land of more and more. So I scheduled some Skype sessions, not really knowing what exactly I was getting into.
When we first met I was filled with expectations, worries, anxiety, excitement, and all sort of other energies, so it took a few sessions to calm myself down. However, even with all my inner craziness that was going on during the first few sessions, I never felt anything other than a deeply caring and soothing energy emanating from Lujan.
As I began to ease into our sessions our conversations took us to magical places and many insights and realizations were witnessed, and many many more were planted and will continue to bloom as time moves onward.
It has now been at least 4 months since we last Skyped and, though I miss our conversations, I can still feel the sessions working internally. Working with Lujan was like working directly, one on one with my heart. To be able hear one’s heart truly speak is a gift more precious than anything this time-space continuum has to offer, or rather, it is the only true gift there is to offer. Lujan, my heart’s voice, I love you so much and because of your help I have no doubt that soon there will be just a single pure voice within. It is simply a matter of grateful patience, stillness, and remaining wide open to truth.
At times I wish there was more of Lujan to go around, but that is all mind chatter. When the mind quiets and the illusion of a separate inside and outside recedes, the truth becomes apparent, that all is one and the same, and thus Lujan is already very much everywhere and at all times because he truly is me and I am him and we are in each others’ hearts and are each others’ hearts.
In a very real way then, my mind-created-problem of not enough Lujan to go around is fixed by my own commitment to the path of becoming who I am! Thus the more of us that commit to this, the more Lujans there are to go around!
It’s as simple as that. My love for Lujan (and any other brother or sister I encounter) is my love and recognition of my self, and love is ever only as far as I push my self (or my brothers and sisters) away.
The time spent with Lujan has been priceless because, as a perfect mirror, he reflected back to me where I was pushing my self away. I never really understood the ease in which the internal dialogue can get me caught up in so many preoccupations, agendas, stories and how all of these lead to even more reactions that lead to ever more stranger places and seemingly ever further away from my self. Lujan helped make this clear to me on multiple occasions and with such skillful, loving, and tender energy.
One such occasion was when I mentioned to him the frustration and envy I would feel arising when I would read about others’ experiences with him. Essentially that same old thing was making demands on what I should be experiencing and Lujan was able to help me clearly see how these demands were blinding me to all the profound and beautiful occurrences that were actually happening during our interactions. In other words, in that moment Lujan helped me to see what I was interfering with, so that I could stop interfering with what I was seeing.
Lujan and all of you who are a part of this wonderful community continue to help show me how much of a bull in a china shop I really am. Everywhere I go I am trampling, but I also see that the more apparent my trampling becomes to me the more my trampling diminishes.
I cannot express my gratitude enough and what excites me is that I am starting to see more and more clearly how my gratitude for you is not something flowing from a separate me to a separate you, but that my gratitude for you is my gratitude for me, that these are one in the same, that we all are one in the same. All I gaze upon is my own heart gazing back at me.
With an open and loving heart,