‘You’ve got to chase your own tail until it disappears’
Lujan arranged for us to meet him out on the street, on motorbikes. Without delay we fell in behind Lujan and headed down the busy road. Instantly I was aware of magnetic feeling in my chest that I had not felt since first following Lujan to his apartment in Siem Riep a year prior. Now this is not a magnetic pulling – but a magnetic repelling. The first time I met Lujan this was tangible and strong – and the emotions associated to this were a primitive type of danger and fight or flight at the sight of Lujan. This time around I had far greater awareness of what I was getting myself into and why I had traveled to see him.
Over the coming days Lujan showed me that the fear and feeling of being repelled by his presence out there on the street was my old self, my identity, my old story, my old complacencies and habits – feeling THEIR very existence threatened by this teacher. This is one of the many reasons why I see Lujan as the greatest teacher available today. His ability to firmly and lovingly demolish the bad habits and games in my personality is just wonderful…. And equally frightening.
So yes, the first two or three days of training was rough, but blissful in the sense that I felt prepared and open to go through these hard yards and have my self emptied in this way. From here I was more able to glimpse the new but familiar feeling of empty power.
‘You won’t know what is really here in the now until you stop focusing on past stories. Look at past events in emotional feelings – Not as stories. The stories keep you trapped – and draws your power away.’
Lujan painfully made me increasingly aware of the things I do and say to support a subtle and hidden agenda of competition that I had cunningly made myself systematically unaware of. This was also shown by the ways I would manipulate conversations to support my own sense of self and entitlement.
‘True listening happens when you stop talking to yourself.
You steer the conversation to a place where you want to be.
To say the thing you’ve already thought of.
So you are not available.
You’re NOT listening.’
Lujan brought me and my training partner into quite an amazing state of realization that the way of love, light, emptiness, compassion & vulnerability is seen as un-normal by modern cultural programming. However in Lujan’s world; I feel this is ultra-normal and this is also a state of human being-ness that I feel I have been trying to find.
At the height of pressure from Lujan to see my hidden ways of manipulating people like a ‘poison serpent’, my eyes saw the shadows of a snake hidden between the curtain and window behind the sofa Lujan sat on.
Lujan managed to get the snake to drop to the ground and as it did, it released a frog from its mouth. Lujan even said he heard the frog chirp a ‘thankyou!’ – like noise to Lujan as the snake let it hop free!
The process of seeing this hidden snake, the trapped frog and Lujan ushering the poison serpent outside left me dumbfounded at the potency of the meaning of this physical manifestation of our conversation… In the same way Lujan was ushering out my own poison serpent(s).
Several minutes later after all three of us re-composed ourselves, my training partner was in conversation with Lujan, when his eyes darted to a gecko on the wall. Lujan inquired as to his eye movement, which then in sequence, made me aware of the gecko… Then the conversation continued between them. But my eyes stayed on the gecko. And what happened next was another level in the profound nature of this work…. Yet another hidden black serpent appeared as a shadow on the curtain behind Lujan. This snake was not eating a frog and was vastly more frightened and feisty. But Lujan still managed to get it outside…
The learning process for me, in seeing these snakes – with consideration to the conversation about my insidious personality issues that I had conditioned myself to be un-aware of… .Well. I was left in awe.
It didn’t stop there. I inquired to Lujan if he would tell his wife about the snakes – as he had mentioned she wasn’t fond of snakes one bit. He replied that he of course told her. The intense feedback Lujan then gave me – made me realize that I had a nasty pattern of keeping people ignorant and away from truths that might upset them and in turn upset me. Lujan pointed out that it’s the plain truth that the snakes were there and that his wife was vastly safer in knowing about the snakes. This went very deep for me in realizing that I am essentially lying and being indirectly violent when I have not told my lovers in the past things that I want to protect them from… This process was very embarrassing for me but showed me SO deeply the ways in which I skirt around the truth in the name of my own complacency and ‘comfort’ with out full consideration of how I’ve negatively effected my lovers through my own calculated deceit.
As the ten days progressed and the dragons tears movements began to ingrain, I experienced for the first time, a sense of emptiness through the ways we were communicating and loving each other in the classes. After the initial and VERY necessary few days of pressure from Lujan toward my behavior, the synchronized movements of the three of us became very cosmic and deep. The magnetism I experienced and the fluidity in my body reached a level that left me awe-struck in every class. This is not a common feeling for me at all…
‘Perform the gestures as if its your last movement.
Because then you’ll discover things that are very beautiful.’
Lujan showed us how to cast energy to one another and I was astonished to feel a heat-beat-like pulse inside my palm as Lujan cast to me and my training partner also. I gave it a go and it didn’t work because I was full of my story of trying to impress myself and my peers. Lujan noticed this instantly and asked me to cast the energy from a place of emptiness. And instantly, it worked. For me this signified the physical and sensual understanding of these empty gestures in my body’s awareness. These movements must be empty to gain power…
‘You have to stop growing into the person you want to be.
Focus on the person you are.’
I’ve come away from this time with Lujan, feeling very sensitive & strong. I feeling vastly more tuned into what I should and should not put in my body. Food has a whole new flavor and energy to it and I now fully physically sense why eating a diet of living foods and mostly fruit is the way forward in my healing and growth & stopping my aging process. Smart diet and Lo Ban Pai have really synergized into ONE in my life style and I know in my heart – what I have to do.
‘You are being prepared to die.
And the closer you live to that state –
The more you become aware of what you really need to do.’
I want to Thank Lujan and his wife Mizpah for being available to help me and countless others. Your presence on this planet his helping everyone.
There is no going back once you start this work with Lujan. Stephan from Japan was very right in his recent testimonial…. Meeting Lujan is like meeting Morpheus.
I really did take the red pill,
I’m waking up from a dream,
and its beautiful.