Small Steps Taken To Find My True Self


This application for the 2017 Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Odysseus. If you would like to offer your support for Odysseus please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

At the end of a most demanding contract in my career, when the peak level in that project passed, I realized that something is wrong with my way of life. At that moment, circumstances gave me more time to look at this issue. I was aware that I need something, and it was an attention. Attention to what is inside of me. Curiosity in self-development, quantum physics and music unveil me through the literature and multimedia path to it. Since then, my real life journey began.

I experienced first contact with personality of Lujan Matus in the movie Cosmic Giggle. His image was so distinctive and intriguing to me, that I started to listen his words, after I became familiar with it. Mentioned fact just intensified his words to a powerful meaning.

Later, I discover his interviews which I consider as a treasure for heart, especially when he is exposing, himself through the words. Part of my work was traveling by car, and I do not remember how many times and hours I spend with his interviews listening to them in repetition. Every time I listened to it, I had a feeling that it was a good spent time in life which I experience.

Later on, my way of life started to shift. I left people which whom I was hanging out. I even reduced contact with my family, as I started to feel that they just put in me “noise” and confusion, and their actions did not allow me to feel compassion to them. But this was not yet a shocking fact.

Very often I started walking in the forests. In that time, I began to experience images inside of me, with some kind of eastern martial arts performed by a young and old person. And then, I started to see myself inside of me doing it. One of the summer sunny days, my body push me to go out. It leaded me to meadow on the border with forest, where everything around was bathed in golden sunlight of sunset. In this moment, my body began to gain sort of positions, with distinct and slow hands movements.

I was very afraid that somebody could see me doing this forms. This activity brought me the relief, in the same time giving a way to express my body. In other hand, fear caused by mind was telling that I am started to be an insane person (In that time I left my job).

How much peace, understanding and admiration for needs of my body I felt since. Just a few days later after my sunset on meadow, I discover movies on Parallel Perception channel in which Lujan was showing his movements. “So I am not alone”.

Lujan was the first character on the planet which exposed me to this “thing”, making me more calm and more intrigued in myself. In same intrigue way as his words before. I immediately “get it” what was all about with my body, after deep studying what Qi Gong is.

Very often I have a feeling that Lujan’s books, can strengthen my full self. But before his books will land in my hands, do not know why I decided to start with Castaneda’s series. It was good choice. In moment when I am writing this essay, I am in the middle of don Juan Matus teachings. Things which I am experiencing, confirmed that It was a good choice. These teachings are crucial.

In Life which l am experiencing, from time to time, do not know why, I think about Lujan, feeling my reflection in his person, intrigue person. After two years I even started to consider this feeling or voice as a meaningless “echo” result of my mind.

Currently whilst expanding my self awareness through life journey, just a few days ago I realized something that completely overwhelmed me. I realized that Lujan is calling me. Just today I noticed on Parallel Perception website available scholarship program and wrote this essay…


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  1. Lots of Love to you Odysseus

  2. Good Luck Odysseus. I liked your essay. Its clear that this path is calling you.

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