Being Servient to My Mission

open-heart-teachings

This application for the 2017 Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Jenny.  If you would like to offer your support for Jenny please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

The opportunity to even learn this practice is a blessing in itself, one that calls me deeply and yet just in the writing of this, fear arises. I noticed there was jealousy as I read other submissions, the pattern of not being good enough; other fears, like the possibility of first solo overseas travel, and yet : implicit trust that if that is what is to be done, then it will be right in its wrongness; the fear is wrong in its rightness.

Thank you from my heart, is all I can say Lujan, for taking the ‘public road’ and re-awakening further ancient calls in me, that we may connect together as one again. I bought every book of yours all at once, after hearing you in the Cosmic Giggle, and heard you read within me, every word coded information that physically expanded my vessel.

Your teachings have dropped me into new depths of silence, presence becoming my main daily space. Second attention shows me I am precisely where I need to be in each moment. Falling away, sums up the past year, a time of remembering yet this ‘time’ is limitless non-linear expanse, and I do not know who that person was, now I am here. I still have battles, for sure, still have trials, but I can feel beyond that and know that to pass a test, I have to be brave enough to take the test presented.

Growing up in this lifetime, for a long while I had decided I was overly sensitive yet removed from my emotions, only in the past few months have I been shown that I was emphatically responding to the madness around me and trying to make sense of it in my heart without instruction. Incidents before I was six were the shadows bringing fear to me, that I let control me for a long time. Layer by layer they have been peeling away, bringing me to seeing of how the shadows had taken my power, something I now fully take back, and all the past lifetimes of events continue rebalancing.

Birthing children reconnected me to Mother, to the fierce Feminine mystery of bringing life through the womb, and then four years ago, in a lesson in suffering and self-care, I miscarried our fourth child, that led me ‘magically’ to teaching yoga. Information about physical esoteric practices is something I mostly did cognitively (haha) but in physically moving in union, came to feel my literal strength, came to feel the ancestors moving in my bones and like a hand entering a glove, ‘yoga’ intuitively evolved from there and now these classes are transformative spaces of release and connection. This is something that inspires me to undertake training with you, feeling ready for a next level of physical challenge, releasing whatever blocks may be left hiding inside and dedicating this lifetime fully to Divine service.

Whatever there is to be experienced now, there is trust. In taking full surrender to the Divine, with open inner eyes and heart, and in simply making this submission, the fears, the shadows, are knocked back. I know their wave will crest and rise again, and when it does, I roll with it, shining on.

Love and light.
Jenny
New Zealand

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  1. Grammer = A+++

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