I Seek Heart and Truth. Love and Joy.


This application for the 2017 Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Charlotte Suh.  If you would like to offer your support for Charlotte please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

Nagual Lujan Matus – I first became aware of your teachings through The Cosmic Giggle. I was captivated. I absorbed as much of your work as I could during 2016. I bought and read some of your books. Others I purchased and listened to on audible. I listened to your interviews and conversations on the Parallel Perception YouTube channel. I connected to your work in whatever way I could, including Facebook and Instagram.

In your teachings I found glimpses of possible answers to experiences in my life that have always puzzled me. In your stories I saw shadows of things that have haunted me. In your voice I felt a deep compassion and connection to the heart that seemed to transcend time and space and touched my own inner being. I think it was your voice. It was listening to your voice and hearing your words which have most profoundly affected me. It touched me deeply and opened my heart, if only during those times I listened to you. The rest of the time I seem certain my heart is closed on a daily basis.

Then…your work faded away into the background of my life, as another wave of spiritual learning came upon me. But whatever I follow I inevitably seem to end up resisting and blocking my progress for reasons unknown to me. Perhaps I am just not ready yet. Perhaps I need a teacher. Perhaps it is not really my path to follow. I do not know.

Needless to say, I am no enlightened being. I have no “TRIP” to speak of, as Ram Dass puts it. I’m just on a journey of self-realization that has so far been unfruitful. Or so it seems. I have no awe-inspiring experiences to speak of. I have no connections to spiritual groups of any kind and my only teachers have been the audio books and youtube audio recordings of spiritual workshops I have absorbed over the past five or six years. I am mostly confused and uncertain of myself. And I have been longing for connection, but honestly frightened of it at the same time.

Now..I have resisted the idea of writing this again and again. But finally, I felt I could ignore the feeling no longer. So I told myself, “Charlotte, just write it. And then you have done your part. The universe will do the rest. And you will not feel regret for not having done so.”

So here I am. Here it is. I do not apply for this scholarship because of what I HAVE learned from you, Nagual Lujan Matus, but because of what I WANT to learn. Reading the description of The Three Treasures Workshop, and how Lo Ban Pai can help to increase energy (help me out of my depressed state?), improve muscle strength and flexibility (which, at age 50 I am losing , but want to maintain), overcome chronic health conditions (and the fear I have of developing family related heart disease or cancer, things I know can be overcome with proper diet changes too, which I could learn from you and your wife ), cultivate personal power (much needed), and awaken my heart consciousness, open my third eye and access heightened states of awareness (all things I have yet to experience but have not been disciplined or awake enough to get there).

Mainly, I apply because I feel like I am stuck between two worlds, and not really feeling like I belong to either one. I’m in the Bardo. I am lost. I seek a light. I seek heart and truth, love and joy. I long to shed all the veils and find myself. Will a door open? Will I learn to see? These are big questions for me.

Finally, I believe it is important to mention, that I love movement. I have always loved dancing and I am fascinated by hands and hand movements. Lo Ban Pai would certainly be fascinating to learn.

Peace and light,

Charlotte Suh
South Korea

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  1. I resonate too with what you write Charlotte. Best of Luck to you.

  2. For me, the hardest part is getting started, the biggest difference is between nothing and something. Good luck, Charlotte.

  3. I resonate with your words too:
    “I am mostly confused and uncertain of myself. And I have been longing for connection, but honestly frightened of it at the same time.”

    “I long to shed all the veils and find myself. Will a door open? Will I learn to see?”
    – these are big questions for me too.

    And it is all there in the heart, that waits at abeyance, as is said in Lujan’s book.

    In this connection I remembered this excerpt from the Wizard of Oz:

    Once, indeed, the Tin Woodman stepped upon a beetle that was crawling along the road, and killed the poor little thing. This made the Tin Woodman very unhappy, for he was always careful not to hurt any living creature; and as he walked along he wept several tears of sorrow and regret. These tears ran slowly down his face and over the hinges of his jaw, and there they rusted. When Dorothy presently asked him a question the Tin Woodman could not open his mouth, for his jaws were tightly rusted together. He became greatly frightened at this and made many motions to Dorothy to relieve him, but she could not understand. The Lion was also puzzled to know what was wrong. But the Scarecrow seized the oil-can from Dorothy’s basket and oiled the Woodman’s jaws, so that after a few moments he could talk as well as before.

    “This will serve me a lesson,” said he, “to look where I step. For if I should kill another bug or beetle I should surely cry again, and crying rusts my jaws so that I cannot speak.”

    Thereafter he walked very carefully, with his eyes on the road, and when he saw a tiny ant toiling by he would step over it, so as not to harm it. The Tin Woodman knew very well he had no heart, and therefore he took great care never to be cruel or unkind to anything.

    “You people with hearts,” he said, “have something to guide you, and need never do wrong; but I have no heart, and so I must be very careful. When Oz gives me a heart of course I needn’t mind so much.”

  4. Thank you for your vulnerability and openness, Charlotte. And Ilian’s comment is so beautiful. Amazing, how we all express those universal symbols on our Hero’s Journey – a disempowered heart, a disempowered mind and a disempowered gut (Tin Woodman, Scarecrow and Lion) and we keep looking for that treasure that is always inside us… Thank you for your dialogue.

  5. Hi Charlotte,
    Thanks for sharing and welcome to wherever you are, which is, I believe, on your path. All the best walking it!

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Enhance Your Personal Power

Spiral Energetics - also known as Lo Ban Pai - is an ancient esoteric system of spiritual development that has been hidden for centuries.

It consists of a combination of dynamic and meditative movements that promote energy cultivation.

Spiral Energetics will help you:

• Increase your energy
• Improve muscle strength and flexibility
• Overcome chronic health conditions
• Cultivate personal power
• Awaken heart consciousness
• Open your third eye
• Access heightened states of awareness

It is the only known surviving ‘coiling system’ following the golden ratio spiral principles of the Tao as recently rediscovered by quantum physics. Read more