I Realize That I Don’t Know Who I Am

shamanic-movement-workshop

Due to the overwhelming amount of scholarship applications this year, the winner will now be announced on November 25th.

This application for the 2017 Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Tom.  If you would like to offer your support for Tom please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

Firstly I thought I won’t write an application, because I don’t have time to attend the workshop. I should concentrate on school. And I also used my bad English as an excuse. But at the moment I’m not afraid of writing something ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’.

It’s not about wining something, I just wanna share my thoughts with everyone who lands on this page and wanna say thanks to everybody who has written an application. You’re all amazing.

A few years ago I was laughing about ‘spiritual’ people. I thought they can’t handle their lives so they need to belief to something. I felt sorry for them.

I started to experience drugs in young ages. I was nineteen when I took a high-dose LSD at a party and ignored everything I had learned about set, setting and dosis.

When I arrived at home I spontaneously started to lie down and do some breath exercises. I don’t know really what happened, but I was far away from everything I’ve ever experienced. I break through and landed in the eternity.

After this evening my life changed dramatically.

My whole belief systems collapsed. I realize that I never knew who I am. My whole life I just lived an illusion. Heavy negative feelings. Emptiness. A strong pull between my eyebrows. I heard and saw more things.

It was very hard. I thought I had destroyed my life and was losing my mind now. It took me months to calm down.

Now, a few years later, I’m thankful for the experience, in some way I needed it to really change. It showed me it doesn’t matter what I want, necessary is what I need. I need to ‘wake up’ and search for who I am.

I can’t ignore that anymore.

I found Lujan Matus through my uncle. He had heard that I was interested in Ayahuasca ceremonies and recommended me Lujan.

On some psychedelics I experienced the feeling of ‘energy’ and had the urge to move my body very harmoniously. It felt great but I never found anything about what this energy was, until I saw a chi gong video.

Last year I attended the Golden Lotus Workshop. Lujan walked into the room and we started to move and immediately I could feel energy! Very clear and very intense!

I still don’t understand fully what happened, Lujan has opened something in me and since then I have this ‘connection’. It’s not necessary to believe or to know something, just move and feel!

On some days its hard to do the set. On some days I enjoy it very much.

It changes me. But everything changes everyday. It’s difficult for me to say exactly what happened and how Lo Ban Pai influences me.

The same applies for his books and the techniques. It begins where thoughts end.

Lujan’s teaching has a great potential,for everyone. I’m curious what brings the future and motivated to cultivate personal power.

It’s not easy to find people who understand me, so I’m very happy to have found Lujan and this blog.

I still don’t know who I am but now I can accept it easier.

Thanks to Lujan and Mizpah and Thanks to you all.

Have a great day!

Tom
Austria

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5 Comments
  1. Hello, Tom.

  2. Hi Tom. I am sure you will soon remember who you are! Good luck

  3. Thanks Tom.
    All the best.

  4. Hello. Thanks :)

  5. Hi Tom, honest letter … You are in good hands with Lujan. Good luck! Mark

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Mystic Shamanism: Latest Blog Posts

Enhance Your Personal Power

Spiral Energetics - also known as Lo Ban Pai - is an ancient esoteric system of spiritual development that has been hidden for centuries.

It consists of a combination of dynamic and meditative movements that promote energy cultivation.

Spiral Energetics will help you:

• Increase your energy
• Improve muscle strength and flexibility
• Overcome chronic health conditions
• Cultivate personal power
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• Open your third eye
• Access heightened states of awareness

It is the only known surviving ‘coiling system’ following the golden ratio spiral principles of the Tao as recently rediscovered by quantum physics. Read more